I don't know what to say

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by ADreamer, Feb 17, 2013.

  1. ADreamer

    ADreamer Member

    I had married a very bad man. I've been divorced for 8 months. I am in a relationship with a very good man, and we've been seeing each other for a while now.
    I am plagued by two desires. A desire for his presence, and a desire to be alone, to get to know myself. He talks about getting married. I could see myself with him, but it doesn't feel right. At least not now. I feel awful, because I would tell him "yes I would marry you". At that time, I meant it wholeheartedly. :( I'm so frustrated because this feeling has been growing inside me. I want to love this man, and have him in mine and my son's life. But now, I'm in no hurry to walk down the aisle again. And I think I need some time alone.

    Last night, I tried to tell him some things that have bothered me. In October, he sent a woman a shirtless picture of himself with his zipper half undone on his jeans. He apologized, and said he screwed up. He's made amends. But I can't seem to completely forget it. I'll go for a while not thinking about it. In the most inopportune time, it slithers back into my thoughts and I feel angry and betrayed. I'm old-fashioned. I believe in monogamy even if its an antiquated notion.

    I don't know how to let him down. It shouldn't be this way. I shouldn't be questioning things, or feeling these things. I shouldn't be holding old things over his head. I'm not ready for another marriage. I don't know what to say to him to let him down without making him feel like he did something wrong. :(
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Tell him exactly that "You are not ready for another marriage".
    8 months is not long enough to have the time to find out, what was wrong with your first choice, how you feel about being divorced, what you want for yourself in the future.

    You know this, you have more or less seen you need time yourself.
    If this man loves you he will understand.
    You are not so much ending it, just putting the relationship on hold while you take the time to breathe!
    Be honest, if he doesnt like it TOUGH!
    As my grandmother always said "Marry in haste, repent at leisure"
  3. caruss12

    caruss12 New Member

    it sounds like you know you are not ready - i will tell you this - i found out my spouse sent an inappropriate picture to someone - i tried to forgive and forget, but it continually festered in my mind and i slowly began to wonder what else this person could be doing - i ended up not being able to trust or respect this person because of the feelings that kept building over this photo. while this person apologized over and over, i was the one who had the thoughts in my mind about "what else could this person be up to...?" - while it may end up being the biggest mistake i have ever made, the festering resentment got the best of me, and after two years of trying to get over the photo, i could no longer do it and am now divorced. tell him that you need time and space - i suggest a period of no contact and see what that does - you may realize this guy is great and you can get over the photo, or you may realize that he was just there filling some void in you because you still have things to deal with - had i done that, i may not question my decision everyday...