I'm new here, and I know what it's like to deal with the loss of someone you love to suicide. My best friend in the hole world killed himself. It killed me, and made me feel even more horrible for wanting that same thing on and off for years. Now here I am trying to fight those urges off. It's just so hard to live in so much pain. I'm tired of being alone. I keep trying to find a way to fill that hole in my life (maybe I need a cat), but I still feel the pain of having all of my friends turn their backs on me. People still think that I have it all together, that I'm this big artist, with an amazing new family, so no one bothers to stop by and say hi. After I had my little boy, I've been alone, and in the house for more than a year now. I've been friendless but for my best friend for 7 years now, and now he's gone forever. I have no one, but my husband, and I just seem to depress my little boy, and my love all the time. I'm always working on being pretty, getting even thinner, and it's all for nothing.