It always lifts my spirits when I'm talking to a new psychiatrist and they say, "I don't know what to tell you." I'm having physically painful panic attacks at night. They tapered me off the benzos and so this is the withdrawals. The thing is that I looked up the withdrawals and they can last up to a year. So until then it's just, "I don't know what to tell you." It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't also express the same sentiment for my depression and suicidal thoughts. Though I really can't blame her there. I've been on literally almost every anti-depressant drug out there and nothing has worked. I figure there would be something that we would try in case all else fails. I'd at least appreciate if she had some kind of idea! Or even just kept throwing new meds at me for the hell of it :laugh:. It'd make me feel like I'm not hopeless even though I know I am. I think I need to go back to my old psychiatrist. I'm only going to this new one because it's closer but she's absolutely no help. To add insult to injury, I often re-visit those anti-suicide sites that say something along the lines of, "If you're reading this right now, stop, I love you, etc. etc." I used to do it because it made me feel better but it usually makes me feel worse now. A lot of them say, "Don't give up until you've tried everything," or, "Most depression can be cured by the mix of the right chemicals." I am in the small percentage of people who's depression is resistant to treatment. I have tried everything. So to me their message translates to, "Time to give up." I know deep down, and after having intense suicidal thoughts for the last 3 years, that I am too scared to do what's best and kill myself. So the intensity of my suffering which formerly would be heard because of the fact that I believed in my own suicidal intentions is now muffled. People are more willing to do everything they can to relieve suffering if you are suicidal, but now that I can tell myself that suicide is off the table, I'm tossed aside again.