I don't know what to think right now

[Witty_Sarcasm]

If this is in the wrong section, then please feel free to move it. A few days ago at work, there was talk that a co-worker had attempted suicide. We all hoped that he would be alright, but I was just reading through the obituary section of the paper...and his name was in there. When I saw it, my heart sank and I had a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's just crazy to think about...he was only 22 years old, and he had a girlfriend and child. He was polite and quiet, he seemed like a nice young man, and I wish I would have gotten to know him better. I'm tearing up now, it's really sad...you think I would have noticed someone else being in pain, someone who is struggling with similar dark thoughts, but I had no idea. It feels strange for someone to be there, then suddenly realizing you will never see them again. I just feel terrible about it all and I know it will be on my mind for a while.

 

[nobodyknows71]

Hey there Witty, I’m so sorry this happened. I guess it really does go to show how good people like us are hiding how we’re feeling whilst out in the world. Don’t beat yourself up. If he didn’t want anyone to know how he was feeling then even if you’d sat together every day for lunch you wouldn’t have known.

You can only see what people let you see.

Sending you a massive hug.

 

[Walker]

Imagine how sad others would be reading YOUR name in the paper too, Witty. This guy felt the same feelings as you do (as so many people here do) and felt no one would really care much if he was no longer here yet here you are, someone who he only had incidental contact with, and you feel bad for the way he died and not understanding more about him. This is why suicides are so fucked up. This is why you (in general "you", whoever is reading this) needs to keep pushing on. I'm sorry that your friend was hurting so much that he decided this was his last option. I wish he'd had a place like this to find a whole lot of people to lean on.
{{{hugs}}}

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

You're right, and this did stir up some feelings about what would happen if I were to succeed. The person that found him, I think it was his girlfriend...she has to take pills just to sleep, because she can't cope with it. I don't know if I could put anyone through that kind of pain, even if I feel I can't go on most of the time. If I had known how he was feeling, I would have told him about the site...I wish I had gotten to know him better.

 

[Walker]

I bet others don't know how YOURE feeling either. That's why we take this place for what it is.. at least when people don't think they have people in the world to turn to they can come here. Fact is, everyone really does have people - they just don't know which people they are sometimes. Depression blinds you to which folks they are or they are unable to just stick out a hand and ask for help. But they're there - they're YOU, wishing you could've been there for this guy to lend an ear and tell him that when you're not around there's this place he can go and talk to people who get it.
People who complete often don't have others who have been very close to them who have completed. The closer they are the more questions it brings, the more pain, the more wondering what you could do. Look at you -- you're here thinking about him and what you could've done or how you could've helped and you didn't even know the kid. That's how that shit it. And it freaking sucks.
You didn't know him well enough to understand the pain he was in, Witty. And that sucks for him because you do "get it". After the attempt it would seem those people in his life should've reached out and tried exceptionally hard to try to make sure he was getting the help that he needed. Whatever happened after that fell really short. I'm sorry to hear that. It's something to think about though, how this fucks up the lives of so many in ways we don't have to be on earth to understand because we just noped the fuck right outta here.
Love to you, girl. I hope you're ok. I'm thinkin of ya.

 

[Petal]

So sorry to hear this Heart breaking. 22 is too young to go, may he rest in peace and shall you need us we are here.

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

It is weird being on the other foot looking at our selves and being in that shoe for a moment or two through a strangers eyes and wondering what ifs. Passing through as a coworker, the person on the street, the person in front of you in the checkout line not knowing anything about them and finding out later they died. What ifs. What if I said the extra hello, smiled or just started a friendly conversation would it have made a difference? I do not know. What makes this a wonderful thing is that you are being an extraordinary human being that cared enough to ponder those things. Keep on being a great human being @Witty_Sarcasm and sorry about your loss.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I know you guys are saying I am a good person, but I am not so sure now. I don't know everything that went on with him, but I know that the main factor leading up to it that night was that his girlfriend had broken it off with him. She wanted nothing to do with him anymore because she caught him in the act with someone else. The other girl is also someone I work with. I remember a while back when she was asking me what I knew about him, and if he had a girlfriend. I said I didn't know much, and that I wasn't sure if he did, which was the truth. She had told me that she was interested in him and hoped he was single. I should have warned her off, but they still would have done what they wanted to do. So I shouldn't feel so guilty, because they made their own choices, but I am still beating myself up about it.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

And I remember when she said something like, "I make people in relationships fall for me". I should have been suspect then, but I don't know. The whole situation is just fucked up beyond belief.

 

[nobodyknows71]

Listen Witty you can’t hold yourself responsible for what two grown adults do or don’t do. It was his choice to cheat and it was the other girls choice to seek out a guy who was in a relationship. How do you think you could’ve stoped them from doing what they did?
You couldn’t.

This guy cheated with this other girl. His choice.
It also sounds like he couldn’t live with the guilt so committed suicide. Again his choice.

If you ‘policed’ every conversation you have there would be a million so called suspicious things you’d need to pay more attention to. You’d be looking for meaning in things that are mostly throwaway comments.
The fact is hindsight is a wonderful/terrible thing. Retrospective thinking as a general rule is a bad thing. Dwelling on things you’ve done or didn’t do, conversations when you ‘should have’ seen this or paid more attention to that is not going to change the outcome.

I guess if you want to take something from this horrible situation is may be next time you know a colleague has broken up with a partner, or is going through any kind of hard time, just check in with them. Ask how they’re doing. You can’t change anything they’ll do if they’re serious about checking out, but maybe you won’t feel so bad because you tried to reach out.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

You're right and I usually do blame myself when things go badly, even if it's not my fault. It's just something I am used to, but there isn't really anything I could have done to keep this from happening, and I just need to stop being so hard on myself.

 

[nobodyknows71]

Yeah you really do. Hug