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I don't know what to think?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by tyge18, Dec 23, 2010.

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  1. tyge18

    tyge18 Member

    Well I'm not going to post my life story here...I just want to post what happened/what I remember from when I was 13.

    I have three brothers, one is 30, one is 22, and the other is 21..I am 19, and turning 20 next may.

    When I was 13, at one point I was sleeping in my moms room because my room didn't have AC at that time. I started to wake up, and felt hands kneeding my butt...after a second or two I was fully awake...and my brother who was 14 at the time (the now 21 year old) moved quickly infront of my mothers TV...he pretended to be looking for a tape at that time, then left the room.

    I've never brought this up to anyone, to be honest I am having chest pains right now typing this. I have a mother who blames me for all my "issues" ..which obviously doesn't make me want to share this with her. I have so much hate towards my brother that I actually have my family and him convinced we get along, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxDo you guys think that this counts as abuse? or do you think it'd just be brushed off as 'normal' since we are only a year apart in age and were minors then? Most 14 year old boys know better than to molest their sister though.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 26, 2010
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I think if you perceived something as abuse, it is worth investigating...sounds like he did violate you and that you continue to be affected by it...the most important thing, I think is what you feel and think...hope this is helpful and so sorry this happened...J
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    it is possible for siblings to be abusers. check out some of the stories at aftersilence.org -- http://www.aftersilence.org/forum/

    i was abused by a sibling, among the other abuse i experienced as a child.

    the main thing is to get some support. took me 30 years but i am dealing with it now with a great trauma therapist. a therapist can help you process your feelings and the aftermath. would you feel comfortable talking it over with someone? i'm happy to share more of my experience with you, just let me know your questions.

    holding you in my thoughts,
  4. tyge18

    tyge18 Member

    I don't really see the point in talking to a therapist. I spent most of my childhood in therapy, not talking to the moron being paid to sit there and listen by the minute. That is pretty worthless to me honestly, I am more a revenge, violent type of a person to be honest.

    I am thinking at the moment ways to ruin his life, career, ect. And if I ever get far enough to tell my mother..and she chooses to not believe me, I will kill him, and myself to make a point easily.

    I was just wondering if anyone else would consider that abuse, considering his age at the time. I have no idea what else he could have done to me while I was asleep, or for how long honestly. But regardless, I know I am going to kill him one day.
  5. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    well one thing my therapist had me think about was that we were both children when the abuse happened. she asked where my sibling came up with the idea. she pointed out that they might have also been abused my someone older. that's why they did what they did. we were both sexualized at an early age. this insight has helped me forgive.

    if you are thinking murder/suicide i strongly recommend counselling. don't throw your life away over this man's actions. i understand your anger but i think you need a healthier outlet. if your brother was abused he is both a victim *and* a perpetrator. just something to think about.
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi tyge. I'm sorry to hear that your brother inappropriately touched you when you were younger, but honestly, killing him is not justifiable and you would be charged with murder. Also, why go through with a murder-suicide? Is your life really worth ending, because of something stupid that he did over 6 years ago? I understand that you feel violated, and you have every right to be, but maybe you should have a chat with him so that he knows that you haven't forgotten? Ask for an apology.
  7. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    I'm really sorry that happened to you. :hug: And yes, i think that is defiantly considered abuse. Do you have someone besides your mom you can confide in about this?
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 23, 2010
  8. tyge18

    tyge18 Member

    It's not my fault or my problem if he was abused, nor do I care at this point. I am tired of seeing a sick fucking disgusting sub-human creature not suffering through life, I am sick of worrying about this sick sub-human working around children and wondering if he is touching one of those innocent kids. I am tired of it, their parents will be thankful when I kill him, trust me.

    He isn't the only reason I want to kill myself, but I figure if I am going to do it then I am going to take him with me.

    No my life isn't worth ending over just that, this is just one of many issues really. But this is also the start of many issues I have now, so in a way...yes it is..it's not like some fucking sick fuck is worth anything to society, he's less than a human in my eyes. I don't need an apology from some sub-human. He can apologize when he is gasping for air with a knife in his throat. I might believe it then.

    I don't confide in my mom with anything, she's a fucking slut bitch who does nothing but fawn over her bastard sub-human child.
  9. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    what about confiding in someone else that is close to you?
  10. tyge18

    tyge18 Member

    I don't have anyone that is close to me.
  11. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    maybe go see a therapist? They wont be able to report anything.
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