I don't know what's wrong with me anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JTR, Oct 31, 2010.

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  1. JTR

    JTR New Member

    I'm a freshman in college, everything is so new and different. I left home and followed my wonderful girlfriend of almost 4 years to become a computer science and german major. I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know why I'm here, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so afraid I will lose her to college temptations I think I'm pushing her away more. Tonight we went to downtown Austin to celebrate Halloween. I don't really like to dance and crowds give me panic attacks, especially when there is nowhere to smoke (like in the club we were in). I wasn't enjoying myself at all and I wasn't with my friends, they were her friends, so eventually I just went to sit down and try to breathe. I looked up and I saw her dancing with another girl I know to be gay, and more importantly, her type. I freaked out, I sat there for 30 minutes watching and crying and trying my best to breathe. Finally I snapped, I pulled her off the dance floor and tried to talk to her. I only made matters worse by doing this because I had completely embarrassed myself and her in front of all of her friends. We've just been fighting so much lately that I let it build up to the point where I would go and do something like that. She is so mad at me and I'm worried she will leave me, more importantly I've questioned myself as to why I act this way, why does everything freak me out, why am I here, why does she love me. And I suddenly realized I don't want to live anymore, I don't want to hurt her or myself anymore. I just don't know why I'm here, please someone help me. I can't tell her or anyone close to me, I'm not doing this for attention I'm doing this because I really feel it.
  2. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    Hey, I been to Austin Texas. Anyway I have to tell you that she is just your girlfriend and chances are that you may meet someone else who would be become your wife. Life is unpredictable, don't be too upset. Is she your first girlfriend?
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi JTR...and welcome...I think you are doing this because you are in pain and you do not know how to express it differently...I would talk to her about how you are feeling, that you having difficulties and ask for her patience and support...maybe a college counselor would be of help at this time...welcome again and so glad you found us...please continue to tell us how you are doing...big hugs, and with great understanding, J
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    you over reacted in the club and probably embarrassed her but she won't leave you, relax.
  5. JTR

    JTR New Member

    Freaking out like that is not something I would normally do. Things have just been going so wrong lately that something as little as that set me off. I miss my friends back home, I miss my life how it use to be, my mood changes by the minute, I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know why I'm here.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    time to get some help for you then okay talk to a coucillor at the school
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