I'm a freshman in college, everything is so new and different. I left home and followed my wonderful girlfriend of almost 4 years to become a computer science and german major. I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know why I'm here, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm so afraid I will lose her to college temptations I think I'm pushing her away more. Tonight we went to downtown Austin to celebrate Halloween. I don't really like to dance and crowds give me panic attacks, especially when there is nowhere to smoke (like in the club we were in). I wasn't enjoying myself at all and I wasn't with my friends, they were her friends, so eventually I just went to sit down and try to breathe. I looked up and I saw her dancing with another girl I know to be gay, and more importantly, her type. I freaked out, I sat there for 30 minutes watching and crying and trying my best to breathe. Finally I snapped, I pulled her off the dance floor and tried to talk to her. I only made matters worse by doing this because I had completely embarrassed myself and her in front of all of her friends. We've just been fighting so much lately that I let it build up to the point where I would go and do something like that. She is so mad at me and I'm worried she will leave me, more importantly I've questioned myself as to why I act this way, why does everything freak me out, why am I here, why does she love me. And I suddenly realized I don't want to live anymore, I don't want to hurt her or myself anymore. I just don't know why I'm here, please someone help me. I can't tell her or anyone close to me, I'm not doing this for attention I'm doing this because I really feel it.