Hi guys. My name is Alison, and I'm new here. I guess I just wanted someone to talk to and I wound up here on the forum. Before I posted this, I read through some of the threads of what's going on in other people's lives, and I really don't know what is wrong with me. My life really isn't that bad in actuality, but I just can't deal. I guess I'm just a weak person. The short version of my story is that I go to a really difficult college, and I'm practically failing everything. I try so hard and barely ever sleep or hang out with friends, yet I'm still doing miserably. I used to have such big plans for my future, and now they're all crumbling right in front of me. I can't talk to my friends, my 'closest' friend has been telling me that I haven't been holding up my end of the friendship by being so unavailable, but it's not like I have a choice. I cry all of the time now (for the past couple of months), I just can't stop. I hate sitting around and feeling sorry for myself since my life isn't really that bad. I hate the person I've turned into. Before I went to college I was happy/ confident / a good friend... now I feel like I'm just a waste of oxygen. I've fantasized about just taking a lot of pills, and it scares me, but I can't stop thinking about it. I just really don't want to exist anymore. I'm really close with my parents, they're the only people I'm close with nowadays, and I know they would be sad. But in the long run, I'm completely making them broke by making them pay $40,000 a year for my college when it's not like I'm going to do anything with my life anyways. So it's probably what's best for them. I don't even know anymore. I'm sorry for being incredibly whiny and self-centered. Feel free to yell at me for being pathetic.