i don't know where else to put this...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by kayla19, Mar 1, 2009.

  1. kayla19

    kayla19 Well-Known Member

    but i need to let it out. i guess it's a letter to my ex...


    I am sorry that I broke your heart and that you are hurting right now. I'm sorry that I don't want to be with you or give you yet another chance to break my heart and hurt me more. I am sorry that this is easier for me than it is for you. I am sorry that being with you has taught me that I deserve to be happy and I deserve to be with someone that isn't going to take me for granted or treat me like shit because they don't think I'll leave them.

    I am so sick of you crying and begging. I feel like I made myself pretty clear tonight in saying that I don't want to ever be with you again and that I don't see us getting back together. What part of that needs clarification? The more you cry and beg and whine, the more I want to run away from you and break something.

    Please remember that life is not a movie. You tell me tonight that you had to go and have blood drawn because you might have cancer. I am truly sorry that you are going through that and as I said tonight, I will be your friend through whatever it is and you can call me when you get the test results if you need to talk. But what did you expect from me? Did you really think I would say ok we can get back together if you do have cancer? Did you really expect me to say yes when you asked me if I would be your girlfriend until you died if you had cancer? This is not "A Walk to Remember"...we don't live in a movie.

    And what did you expect me to do when you texted me to tell me you were going to the hospital? Come running to be by your side? I am sorry that you feel life has no meaning without me and that you would rather die. I personally don't think I'm worth ending your life over, but if that's how you feel then by all means, get some help. And I hope that if you are serious about this and are afraid that you will hurt yourself that you do go to the ER. I tried my best to explain to you what that process would be like. That is all I can really do for you.

    The thing is, I feel like every word out of your mouth is manipulation. Maybe it makes me a bitch for not believing the things you say. I try not to react as though I don't believe them. I try and give you helpful advice or support. And I hate that because I really think it's more than you deserve. I don't know what to think when you tell me in one breath that you can't live without me and want to go into the hospital and in the next you tell me to just give you one more chance. I've given you many, many chances. I feel like all night you've done everything you can to manipulate the situation into one where I will give you what you want. Yes, that is how it worked in the past. But I have changed. I am not so weak and think so little of myself that I'll just give in so I won't have to be alone. I deserve to be with someone that loves me. Someone that doesn't take me for granted. Someone that treats me with respect.

    ...I could probably keep going with this but I won't. Mostly because I'm angry again because you called me while I was writing this and it just brought all of that anger back to the surface. Yes, I was serious that if you tell me to think about it or give you one more chance that I will change my number and you will never see me again. You are pissing me off that much. Whatever. The end.
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Hey hun :hug:

    Hope it helped to get that out.

    How are you feeling now?
  3. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    must have been a painful lesson for your ex to learn not to take anyone for granted in the future. Everyone has their own lessons to learn in life. Live and let live.
  4. kayla19

    kayla19 Well-Known Member

    it's only gotten worse. and i'm just slowly falling apart from it...