I Don't Know Where It Comes From...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Tsuki, Jun 20, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Tsuki

    Tsuki New Member

    I have recently begun to have suicidal thoughts that seem to come from nowhere. I tried to take my own life when I was fourteen, but after therapy and the like, I began to feel better. Now at 22, I feel these feelings returning.

    I don't think these feelings come from not enjoying life. I do truly love to be alive and surrounded with living things, but I find that often time, things would be much easier for myself and others if I just wasn't here any more. I feel like I cause more trouble because of my various faults and the less than pleasing things that I've done in my past than anyone deserves to put up with. I'm trying to find forgiveness from myself and from others, but I feel like every time I get to that place, I am pushed right back down again.

    I don't want to feel like this... This creeping darkness that's always hovering over me. I don't know what to do... Can anyone out there shed light on this?
  2. Hi, I'm new here so I don't have experience answering posts, i'm going to try but i don't really know what to say I'll just write as i feel
    Don't feel like you're a burden to others, because you can't really know what's in your friends and family minds. They probably have their own problems and pains why would they spend time blaming you. Sometimes we may say harsh things and say a certain problem is someone's fault, but I think people generally try to solve their problems since blaming someone forever isn't helpful at all.
    It's impossible not to cause problems, it's like breathing I think. it goes for everyone. Even walking in the street you may trip over and break someone's leg, if you drive you may cause an accident and kill someone.
    Hey there's a line I like very much, "Life is dangerous". Isn't it? There isn't a soul on this planet who manages to do only good things.:IrishDoll:
    Sorry if that was a bit confusing!!
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    depression does not have to have any reasons it is a chemical illness. If youhave not been into see your doctor lately do it. Tell them the thoughts are back and you need some medication change ups okay stay on top of this don't let it run away with you. Callyour therapist doctor now okay.:hugtackles:
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I agree with the others wholeheartedly. Your story is very much like mine. I had my first "bout" or "episode" in my mid teens and then again in my early twenties. The one in my mid twenties was most confusing as so much was good in my life. Well therapy and Prozac saved the day so I advocate looking into both.
    I may be a bit bold in saying this but I get the distinct feeling from your post that you have very high standards for yourself. Well that is a good thing but the problem is the perspective gets thrown off, especially if you add depression to it...see I bet you are a super nice person and what you call faults are merely small idiosyncrasies that are just part of being human. Does this sound at all true? People like you tend to be the most loving and caring of all but alas feel things deeply and thus get hurt and sad a bit easier than others. This is just the feeling I got from your post and of course I could be wrong.
    Well please keep posting so we can all support you and please do look into getting therapy and assessed for possible medication...in my case I have a chemical imbalance that is easily taken care of so that I can live a normal life.
    Hope to get to know you better Bambi
  5. Tsuki

    Tsuki New Member

    Thank you to everyone that posted. I was once on Prozac and don't like to take it because of how it makes me feel... Plus... Well, I'd really rather try a more natural approach to things. I believe in energies and stuff, if that makes sense. I do want to get back into therapy, but I really don't have the money. I think there may be a free therapist through a church nearby, but I'm not sure.

    Bambi~ You're right. I do feel things more heavily that others and I feel intense guilt a lot of the time. I also allow others to take advantage of me far too easily because I do this 'martyr' nonsense where I think I can be everyone's punching bag so long as it makes their life better. But I do seriously feel like I screw up more than anything else.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.