Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by nobodyimportant, Dec 25, 2012.
... but I know where it's going to end.
Stopping to find out where it started, and what the causes are and their solutions, could prevent the end.
And how am I supposed to do that?
Reasoning, analysis, planning, implementing, measuring, and hopefully achieving.
Reasoning - I have ruined everything.
Analysis - We were stable before I messed it all up.
Planning - Remove myself from the equation.
Implementing - I'm thinking a long drop hanging would be easiest.
Measuring - When successful, I won't be able to do this step.
Achieving - That is what I'm aiming for. Achieving my plan.
Hi NI - or you could try and look at it another way. Suicide is not going to achieve you anything, except it doesn't look that way from where you are right now.
Reasoning - you don't know where it started -.....fair enough, but with some investigation into self-awareness you will gain more knowledge about where it started, and why.
Analysis - "My choices can only be as good as my options, so if there's an option I have not yet considered, I could make another choice"
Planning - It's not what happens to us in life that determines our destiny, but our response to what happens. I can plan a different response
Implementing, measuring, achieving - "I am worth putting ME as my top priority and implementing my plan to analyse my situation differently in the light of new knowledge and insights, as they come. They will come as I search for them, bit by bit. I can take steps to build into my life only worthwhile people/activities/things that are going to support and encourage this"
Welcome to SF NI - the above is what SF is all about and we're all here to help each other
ps. It's not actually true that you are not important. The world out there doesn't think we are, but it thinks nobody is anyway, and we can take our worth and value out of the world's hands and put them somewhere more reliable!
You are wrong though. Suicide will achieve something - it will stop the pain.
I really feel for you and I can understand that you want the pain to end.And you are right suicide would end the pain.
But it would also end everything else and you have only this one life.
Why not --even if its terribly difficult in your current situation-- try to devise a plan to reduce the pain and its causes
that are torturing you rather than ending everything.
I don't know your background but I would think that your problems don't have to stay there for the rest of your life.
I have been a few times through very tough times,eg when my mother ended her life out of a certain fear which was unfounded,which taught me a painful lesson.
Please focus on the fact that nothing in life is static. Things change,to the better and -- I admit--to the worse.
Sorry for rambling on but I really felt for you when reading your posting.
Please take care.
Yay! I only have this one life, which I have screwed up. Yipee.
We all screw things up,some of us pretty big style,none of us here is an exception I believe.
But I try to listen to people who have had a long life and their battles and stories.
Practically all I am aware of ( and some I know personally quite well ) tell me of terrible
downs and tragedies in their lives. Srew ups. It's part of life,we do screw things up,and it's not always
even our fault,there are enough adverse circumstances.
What I learnt from these people is that they never gave up,even when it all looked pitch black.
And fortune eventually reversed and things always got better again in the end ( before nosediving again eventually, that cannot be denied ).
Sorry for going on,but don't throw your life away. Try to go for the long distance.
Why? What possible good can come of prolonging things?
NI - like I said before, it seems like exiting will end the pain, but you cannot be sure about this - it is only how it seems from this side of the divide. I don't mean to dash anyone's hopes of ending their pain the only way they think it's going to end, because I was in the same position so I do know what it feels like. No one could have screwed up as badly as I did, I promise you, involving hurt to more than just me. And yet, there is a way back to being able to integrate even the most dreadful screw ups I also promise you
Because, the time factor can be used in your favour, ni
I have witnessed two suicides in my direct environment ( family ,relatives ) and apart from that I knew three more people personally who committed it.A schoolmate,a teacher and a neighbour.
Nothing come out of that. Nothing . It was an utterly devastatingly negative act. The person who died : gone forever.Great pain for those left behind ( who often only by then realized for the first time in what pain that person actually had been ....) and in all cases I am familiar with: the perception that suicide
was not necessary,the problems not unsolvable. ( There are cases ,like terminally ill people,where I can see the point in ending one's life . )
What comes out of prolonging life : life,in all its highs and lows.
PS the reasons for the 3 suicides above were:
my schoolmate: she thought she was ugly ( which she wasn't at all )
the teacher: bullied by pupils
neighbour : husband had an affair
All three cases might have looked from the perspective of the affected persons like a total screw up.but from the outside it is a different perspective.
All could have been saved. They just needed help and support.
I TOTALLY agree - help, support, someone (at least one person) to listen and accept with no judgement, and validation that our story and our being is part of what we are, inclusive of everything that happens