i dont know who to talk to

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by no_point, Oct 14, 2009.

  1. no_point

    no_point Member

    rah just sitting here wanting to talk...
    my ex ended a long term relationship a few months ago, he wanted space and freedom. all our friends have kept in contact with him, and due to my depression and anxiety i cant get on with things, so no going out which is very weird for me... friends are pissed at me for cancelling on things i said i would go to etc... but i really cant go out. esp with everyone knowing he didnt want me anymore, that he has got on with shit and that i cant.

    lately been trying to get into contact with some friends for support but no one gets back to me.
    no one seems to understand, the only friends im in contact with tell me if hurts to see me like this so they would prefer not to see me

    its like they think i just need to get better get over it go fuck someone else
    but its so much more than that ive been depressed and anxious for bout 13 yrs now and have learnt with my ex how to cope with it but now no boyfriend.
    fucking no one
    no communication from anyone

    im 25 and was with him for nearly 7 yrs, i cant go sleep with randoms in hope it will make me feel better... i dont want randoms i just love him so much. i dont know how to not love him

    my boss made me take holidays cause im not coping at work and having panic attacks and stuff 5 weeks off... i go back tomorrow and feel no different apart from soooooooooo anxious about it, if i end everything tonight i wont need to return to work

    self medicating as much as possible with as many things as possible oxycontin, speed,dope,sleeping pills, packets of codine washed down with vodka and anything else i can get my hands on
    feel so alone
    i wanna be numb and just sleep
    i dont know what to do anymore
    how can everything get better when its this bad

    ive had a few good days in a row and then todays been meltdown

    i had a papsmear come back as malignant so i had to go in and have some tests and stuff
    i come home and tried to ring my ex first time in over a 2weeks (and longest we have ever gone without talking in 7 yrs) just needed a little support or something
    he doesnt answer
    so upset
    cause im so paranoid he will replace me i cant stop thinking hes with another women instead of answering my call
    panic attack mode

    ive lost my life.
    i just need to talk to him i need a hug or soemthing his hugs always made things better.

    constantly feel like im suffocating.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    :hug: I think you really need to talk to a counselor or therapist. I know breaking up hurts, especially when you were with him for so long. And your friends aren't being very supportive (maybe you can try to talk to them and let them know that you're really trying, but that you need some help). But I think you could benefit from talking to a professional.
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    :arms: I know not the same but it's still a hug. I agree with wildcherry. Hun you need to talk. You are more than welcome to say what you need here. I know just getting it out there sometimes helps a little. But you need to talk to a professional. They may have resources available that friends and members here just cant offer.

    And maybe time to start looking for a few new friends. People from work, or if you attend church the congregation, or try volunteering at a few local places ( the community club, the library, the hospital etc.) anywhere that you can make new contacts outside of your old circle. It may even help with the isolation. If you mentally force yourself to go out and have a purpose I think you will enjoy being out there again.

    You're old friends cant understand your pain. They are divided if they were friends with both of you. And unfortunately people tend to stick with what they know. Your ex is probably not reacting to the break up as hard as you are. Things are pretty much life as usual for him. But you have had a major meltdown. They see this but for them they dont know how or may even not want to help you. It's a way of protecting themselves. They dont mean to hurt you but they also dont see exactly how much they are. So hun maybe think about venturing outside the comfort of those people and start fresh.

    I know it hurts and it is going to take time. You've spent many years together and that doesnt just disappear over night. So yes grieve over it hun but while you're doing that seek out some help as well. Maybe that combination will help you to get back on your feet and feeling a little more secure about yourself and your future.
  4. no_point

    no_point Member

    thanks for your words of support
    im not religious at all so not taking that road but thanks
    at this point im filling my life with drugs and random hook ups.
    hopefully just wont wake up one morning
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Instead of filling your life with drugs and alcohol go get therapy and take the drugs that will help you. You need to talk to a therapist about your lost your depression you need to get on some medication to help you. Talk therapy is the best thing to help you move forward. Do you think you ex is mourning anything NO. Time for you to get help for you no one else will do this phone your doctor and get some help now quit giving him your ex this power over you
    If he can move on so can you. YOu want someone now who will support you and give you the care and love you deserve your ex is not this person. Start by just picking up phone and calling your doctor for hellp tell him how depressed you are and start real medication that will help your position your in.
  6. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    This is a painful road to travel but you will survive it. I've done the self medicating too. The random hook ups are the last thing you need. That will only make you hurt more. Please don't hook up randomly with anyone.

    Please call crisis. You need to get a network of support started. It hurts to reach out when you are hurting but that is why crisis is there.

    Please keep posting here. We will share our experiences with you and help you through this.