I'm a 19 year old student living away at uni. I've had depression for about 6 years now. I'll have it for month long periods then feel better for a little while, before feeling depressed again. The "breaks" from the depression get shorter each time and the depression that comes afterwards is getting more intense and for a longer time. I've got to the point now where I want to kill myself, the only thing currently stopping me is my mum. I lost my dad at the start of this year and I couldn't put my mum through that again. It's taken me 4 months but I've finally gone to the doctors. They want me to attend therapy for a while before putting me on meds despite me saying it doesn't help. I'm scared that I'm going to do something stupid, even though it's what I want, it isn't at the same time if that makes sense? I just can't think of any other way out, I can't see myself getting better and I can't see myself with a future. I feel like I should one or two of my housemates, I completely trust them all but I know it's a lot to burden someone with. I don't know how to tell someone, I couldn't tell them face to face but a text or something seems like it's not serious? If I try and talk to people I always tone it down because I'm embarrassed, I'm just scared and don't know what to do and would really appreciate some help right now.