I have had suicidal thoughts and bouts of long lasting depression that goes on for months at a time since back when I was in middle school, I am a graduate student now, and I don't know why. I have a good life, a family, an education, and no substance abuse problems of any sort. I went 15 years without any help by just bottling it up and holding back hoping it would just get better and tried a few times to die and got scared that I have these thoughts and urges for no reason other than just feeling consistently sad and I started going to therapy as well as starting up antidepressants. I went years just asking myself what if I keep trying new things and got married and had a kid, finished my BS in programming and got a job. But even on the medication nothing has changed. I feel sad, depressed, alone, and wanting to die so often. I think about it so often and I don't know why. I have a very accomplished life and have traveled the world multiple times. I have friends and family that are very supportive and kind. But I still feel this way all the time, everyday, nothing ever changes. Anyone go through something similar? Is there something wrong with me? Is there something I can do to fix it? Please.