I don't know why I'm here in all honesty.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by swanseaguy, Sep 30, 2014.

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  1. swanseaguy

    swanseaguy New Member

    Okay so a brief summary.

    I'm a 32 year old man. I've been depressed for a while. On my bad days (which are the majority) I can't focus on activities, I feel fatigued and I don't have any motivation for anything, or interest in anything.

    So a few months back my doctor decided it was time for me to see a psychiatrist and try mirtzapine (two previous anti-depressants didn't work when run for a few months each).

    My logic was always that I had nothing to lose and just to try each step. I think I put too much faith in the system and as a result am disappointed that I basically got told try this drug, then come back.

    The psychiatrist basically said I lacked intent, and well I don't want to argue with him anymore, if I'm just an inconvenience to the health system then why should I bother.

    I'm a little scared, I'm at peace with the idea of doing it now. I've got my note written, everything sorted, I feel like I'm just on the edge and if I did sneak away I would be doing the world a favor.

    I'm not really sure why I'm typing here, perhaps there is little fight left in me, for the most part I think the act is long past due. I don't expect a miracle but maybe it is worth me trying this, I don't know.
     
  2. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Hey welcome to SF I understand how you feel with the health system it can appear to work against you al,out and I have been left feeling a burden.

    In all honesty the sad reality is I learnt the hard way is that sometimes it takes seeing several psychiatric in order to find the one who works for you, and the sort of threapy that would be the of most value to help you.

    I think there is fight left in you and certainly hope there is enough to take som time post and work out how you feel, and get back to the doctors and talk to them about how you feel.

    Take care

    Rich

    It took me years and I am a similar age to you (31) to realise I had to go in to the doctors with what I wanted out of it, obviously short term to stop feeling like I did (depressed suciidal etc)
     
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