I don't know why I'm such a bitch sometimes... *trig maybe*

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Sycotic_Sarah, Jul 28, 2007.

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  1. I really don't.

    I have probably, no, not probably, I HAVE lost someone who was like a brother to me. He supported me. He helped me. What do I give in return? HURT AND BULLSHIT. Aswell as lies. And aswell as that, I give him the one thing he really don't need. HASSLE. I'm all for that arn't I? I'm just a thing which gives off pain to others and hassle and make them want to kill me. I bet he hates me now. I don't think he'll forgive me, this hurts me even more and makes me want to overdose on as many tablets as possible and slice myself apart. I just don't know what to do, or say, or anything anymore. I give up on everything. I don't know WHY I was so horrible. I was frustrated - yeah, but does that give me a right to be so horrid and mean? NO. It doesn't. It gives me a right to say 'I need some time', or something, but not take it out on him, or his girlfriend. I didn't even mean to. I regret it so much now. I just want him back. I love and care for him so much. I miss him SO MUCH. I want him back. But I know that's impossible now. So, I just wanna get it over with and die now. I want that overdose to kill me. I want it too. If it don't, I'm moving onto another lethal dosage with other medications mixed in and so many tablets, I will probably close up, my throat that is, it usually does. Urgh. I'm so scared. I don't even wanna do this. I just ... don't wanna live. *sigh* I'm glad I'm in so much pain right now. So much damn pain. I wish it was more to punish me. I'm going to Hell and I know it. I'm going straight down. Good. Suffer Sarah. Suffer. I hope you suffer till you can't take nomore, and then still suffer. :cry:

    I want my friend back. I want my brother back... he was there for me. He helped me. He supported me. He made me feel so much better. He made me laugh. Made me smile. Brought out my soul from this trapped dark place. When times were low, he'd help me back up again. He was the best, the best friend, someone who everyone could ask for, and more. He was so lovely. I was so HORRIBLE. Urgh. *head-wall*


    I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I really don't. Why am I like this? Why? Why can't I control anything anymore? Everythings slipping, everything... :unsure::sad:
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sarah we all alienate people from time to time. The only way to change things is communication. Can you sit down with your friend and calmly discuss thibgs? You cannot becaome defensive if he says something you don't care to hear and that can be very difficult for you I know. I am sorry you miss your brother. Family can be very important. Just hang in there Sarah. I am thinking about you. :hug:
  3. :D It's all sorted. We are okay again!
    I think we are, Seems we are... :D
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