i don't know why...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by aviewfromchaos, Mar 5, 2010.

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  1. aviewfromchaos

    aviewfromchaos Well-Known Member

    i even try. i feel like ending it all more and more every single day. the people i live with would just get angry at me for mentioning my thoughts to them. it all seems so hopeless.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You can post your thoughts here, and we won't get mad at you. What's going on?
     
  3. aviewfromchaos

    aviewfromchaos Well-Known Member

    thanks. =] i just feel like im a constant failure to everybody around me. just this morning my mum got angry because i was smoking cigs at work. she went off and called me a "worthless sack of s*** that won't ever change because he only cares about himself." she blames me for ruining her life.
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: I'm so sorry for what she said to you. She had no right to do that.
    What makes you feel like a failure, is it the things she says or is there more to it?
     
  5. aviewfromchaos

    aviewfromchaos Well-Known Member

    it's cause i've battled with suicide and drugs for almost a decade and i can't change anything. i just feel trapped in a cycle of self-destruction. i can't tell her these things because she just gets angry.
     
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Why do you feel like you can't change anything, is something holding you back?
     
  7. aviewfromchaos

    aviewfromchaos Well-Known Member

    yeah. its all i've really known. i was abused at young age and my parents were constantly fighting and blaming me for the way their life was(and is). so i turned to drugs and drinking to cope with everything. im the oldest of my brothers so i bear the brunt for most of their ire. all of the repressed emotions just turned to hate and suicidal thoughts. i tired once but it didn't work.
     
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Do you think it would help to talk about some of the stuff you've been through, maybe give those repressed emotions some form of outlet?
     
  9. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Why does your mum blame you for ruining her life?
     
  10. aviewfromchaos

    aviewfromchaos Well-Known Member

    i've tried therapy and everything. the one time i told a councilor about my suicidal tendencies, they called my parents and then my parents called the cops. they wanted me committed to a mental hospital. the only vent i have is music. i do lead vocals for an extreme metal band, but i just doesn't help anymore.

    she blames me because i was the "accident". my parents have a video of my mother telling my father she is pregnant. his response was "f***. i thought we were getting a new car." i've been the black sheep of my family most of my life. i was abused when i was around 7 years old and i started acting out and getting into trouble. we lived in a small town and i was considered the "bad kid". so my family pretty much treated me horribly after that. as "punishment" i guess.
     
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