i don't know why...

Status
Not open for further replies.

aviewfromchaos

Well-Known Member
#1
i even try. i feel like ending it all more and more every single day. the people i live with would just get angry at me for mentioning my thoughts to them. it all seems so hopeless.
 

aviewfromchaos

Well-Known Member
#3
thanks. =] i just feel like im a constant failure to everybody around me. just this morning my mum got angry because i was smoking cigs at work. she went off and called me a "worthless sack of s*** that won't ever change because he only cares about himself." she blames me for ruining her life.
 

WildCherry

Owner Emeritus
#4
:hug: I'm so sorry for what she said to you. She had no right to do that.
What makes you feel like a failure, is it the things she says or is there more to it?
 

aviewfromchaos

Well-Known Member
#5
it's cause i've battled with suicide and drugs for almost a decade and i can't change anything. i just feel trapped in a cycle of self-destruction. i can't tell her these things because she just gets angry.
 

aviewfromchaos

Well-Known Member
#7
yeah. its all i've really known. i was abused at young age and my parents were constantly fighting and blaming me for the way their life was(and is). so i turned to drugs and drinking to cope with everything. im the oldest of my brothers so i bear the brunt for most of their ire. all of the repressed emotions just turned to hate and suicidal thoughts. i tired once but it didn't work.
 

WildCherry

Owner Emeritus
#8
Do you think it would help to talk about some of the stuff you've been through, maybe give those repressed emotions some form of outlet?
 

aviewfromchaos

Well-Known Member
#10
i've tried therapy and everything. the one time i told a councilor about my suicidal tendencies, they called my parents and then my parents called the cops. they wanted me committed to a mental hospital. the only vent i have is music. i do lead vocals for an extreme metal band, but i just doesn't help anymore.

she blames me because i was the "accident". my parents have a video of my mother telling my father she is pregnant. his response was "f***. i thought we were getting a new car." i've been the black sheep of my family most of my life. i was abused when i was around 7 years old and i started acting out and getting into trouble. we lived in a small town and i was considered the "bad kid". so my family pretty much treated me horribly after that. as "punishment" i guess.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$70.00
Goal
$255.00
Top