I don't know why...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Wagner, Jun 12, 2012.

  1. Wagner

    Wagner New Member

    Hi. I'm new to expressing my feelings on an open forum- or anywhere, really. So here.
    I don't know why I feel so messed up. I don't even know if I am. I feel like I don't have any control over myself, or my life. Which, of course, I do. I have control over everything that I've ever done. I don't have all that many reasons to feel depressed, and the reasons I have don't make sense any more. I had my first girlfriend break up with -twice- me a year ago, and I still don't feel like I'm over her. She moved directly from me to another person after we patched things up, after I worked incredibly hard to convince her she could actually like me. But anyway. That would be something to put in the relationship area of the forums. I think the reason that frustrates me, along with the whole reason I feel horrible about myself, is the fact that she left. No reason, no nothing. It's been the same with everyone I've been friends with. They just go away eventually, and I can't tell why. I don't feel like I'm repulsive in any way, except when I'm majorly depressed, and I'd imagine that's fairly normal. So I don't think it's me. Doesn't mean it isn't. I have one person I feel I can call friend, and I don't even feel like he's a close one. Which is really odd, considering. He's the first (and to date, only) person I've come out as bisexual to. We share things I have never shared with anyone, minus the girlfriend. I've told her the most I've ever said to anyone. A year later, she remains at the top of my contacts list, even though I've deleted her number and stopped talking to her for that year. But back to my friend. I still feel like I settled for a person, one that needed me more than I needed him. Which again, is weird. I'm really, really introverted. I'm fine with people, I can talk to them and interact just fine. I'm not what I would call shy, exactly. But I've gone to enough parties and social functions to know that people drain me of energy really quickly. So when someone invites me to do something, I've started to draw on that feeling of drainedness, if that makes sense. I remember how I feel after, and it's not a pleasant, "Woo, that was fun" feeling, it's way more of a "no, I'd rather not do that again" feeling. Maybe I want more control. I like knowing what to say, when people like me, are comfortable with me. I don't know. People seem uncomfortable with me - well, not uncomfortable so much as not comfortable.
    First World problems, right?
    Need clarification?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 12, 2012
  2. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    I don't know why she would cut you out or just drop you.

    If you're in school, then it could be because she knows that you're not grown up yet and will eventually go on to other things. People drop other people for all kinds of reasons... it could be because she felt like you were holding her back from something that she wanted for herself.

    I know that I have issues with going certain places and doing certain things so I can usually understand if someone rejects me because of that-- I wouldn't want someone to hold me back like that either. Introverts get rejected all the time for not being assertive, or outgoing, or energetic, or popular, or capable of having crazy-ass fun and always being serious and mopey and intense. I've been rejected for all of these things. It doesn't mean that it doesn't suck, though.

    You say you're not shy, but if you're feeling drained at parties instead of energized then sometimes that comes through...

    Anyways, it's kind of hard to jump to conclusions about people you don't even know so I'm just going to say that wondering why someone would leave you like that is probably just going to drive you insane and the best thing to do right now is probably just draw whatever conclusions would help you live with the situation and then move on.

    I don't know if there's a solution for it, however...