I'm not fine. I tell everyone that I am but I'm actually dying. And I want to die, and I think about killing myself and that scares me enormously. Because I also want to live. I don't know if this is depression, this constant inability to enjoy my life, but I miss what I had before: I miss knowing how to love, and I miss the fearlessness I used to feel. Now I live like I've flicked an off-button on my soul. I wear a smile constantly, but it's really just a well-established, burdensome mask. I'm that person. That person that everybody looks at but nobody sees. That's not what hurts me, and that's not what made me how I am, but people seeing past my facade is what could really help me. I try to open up as often as I can but I know that people are uncomfortable when I tell them all of this. I'm lost and slowly stepping closer to the line that, in all honesty, I don't want to cross. I need to get better but I can't.