i am feeling very bad. sometimes i have a feeling that i am very miserable person i think about suicide, but then i think about my mom. she depends on me.... she wants me to became successful person but this is so hard..... it is really hard because my mom lives abroad about 8 years. i was 6 when she went and my uncle is raising me. my dad had stroke because of alcohol... when he was drunk he was all swearing and i was always crying when i was alone. i was scared of him and was hiding not to notice me. now he is ill and he cant walk normal because of stroke... and he doesn't even care! he drinks alcoholic drinkings anyway and smokes cigarette with no care! he doesn't care about me or my mom! he doesn't care about anything! my mom went abroad because we had no money so she had to make money in another county. she is really working hard for my education. my uncle is really good person because she is raising me. i always feel that she loves her children more then me but she really is good person and i respect her.. but no one can replace mom. i always feel lonely and alone. i have no brothers or sisters to understand me... i don't have many friends who can understand me. i am always laughing and smiling when i am in society and everyone thinks that i am happy and no one is interested what i am feeling. i want to end my life but i am also believer so i am scared of another life.. maybe it doesn't exist but i believe so i am scared that i will have to pay my suicidal crime. i want to disappear so that no one would ever know me. maybe i wont kill myself, i just don't know...... i just wanted to express my feelings because i couldn't handle it anymore.. thank u all for your time..