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i don't know.....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by firefly001, Sep 22, 2015.

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  1. firefly001

    firefly001 New Member

    i am feeling very bad. sometimes i have a feeling that i am very miserable person i think about suicide, but then i think about my mom. she depends on me.... she wants me to became successful person but this is so hard..... it is really hard because my mom lives abroad about 8 years. i was 6 when she went and my uncle is raising me. my dad had stroke because of alcohol... when he was drunk he was all swearing and i was always crying when i was alone. i was scared of him and was hiding not to notice me. now he is ill and he cant walk normal because of stroke... and he doesn't even care! he drinks alcoholic drinkings anyway and smokes cigarette with no care! he doesn't care about me or my mom! he doesn't care about anything! my mom went abroad because we had no money so she had to make money in another county. she is really working hard for my education. my uncle is really good person because she is raising me. i always feel that she loves her children more then me but she really is good person and i respect her.. but no one can replace mom. i always feel lonely and alone. i have no brothers or sisters to understand me... i don't have many friends who can understand me. i am always laughing and smiling when i am in society and everyone thinks that i am happy and no one is interested what i am feeling. i want to end my life but i am also believer so i am scared of another life.. maybe it doesn't exist but i believe so i am scared that i will have to pay my suicidal crime. i want to disappear so that no one would ever know me. maybe i wont kill myself, i just don't know...... i just wanted to express my feelings because i couldn't handle it anymore..
    thank u all for your time..
  2. costarica

    costarica New Member

    I honestly feel very similar about a lot of the things you said in this post you may feel alone in your family but you're definitely not in the world.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Keep talking here ok release the negative thoughts here I know it is so hard wearing that mask of happiness all day If you can talk to your doctor about how youa re feeling or someone at your church or school Many here wear a mask but being able to just talk to someone that does understand helps so keep reaching out here ok
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    I am really sorry for what you are going through. Your dad drinking so much is something only he can control, you cannot control that. Being brought up in a family situation as that has got to have some hectic consequences so no wonder you are feeling so alone. The best advice I can give you is keep going on with your education, it is the key to a bright future among other aspects, your aunt must be a great person to help take care of you too. Do you have a counsellor at your school? Please talk to them and see if they will be of any support. Best of luck to you :)
  5. firefly001

    firefly001 New Member

    my school doesn't have counsellor.. but its okay because as you say i am educating and trying really hard. i wont give up for my mom and i wont give up for myself. i must be strong because there are people who have much more problems than me and still they keep going. so i wont give up i want to be strong and i want my mom to be happy. this is only thing i have in my mind. thank you very much everyone :)
  6. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    It's really great to hear you say that. Keep up the fight and never give up :) Also, remember that while not everyones problems are the same, they shouldn't be compared as it affects us all differently. Your problems are completely valid and I hope that you can get some help to get you through them, even if it's just on this forum.

    Good luck with your studies and take care of yourself :)
  7. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. You are young and facing a very difficult situation as you grow up. We understand what you are going. You are no longer alone my friend as you need the support from us as you go through life and grow up to be a better person. Just think your mother has gone abroad to provide you with a better future. I know one thing, she loves you as she tries everyday to save money to give you a better future. She would really miss YOU. I plead with you not to do anything and keep posting here for the help and support you need. Be strong my friend as each day is hard especially but focus on your studies for a better and brighter future.
  8. firefly001

    firefly001 New Member

    thank you very much for your support :) i know my mom loves me very much she went abroad because of me. she left all the things here and went abroad just because of me but her heart is still here in our country in our hearts. so i wont give up for her because i love and respect her very much. i must achieve success for her because she has big hopes for me. she is the strongest woman i have ever seen. :) i will be strong for her. thank you very much
  9. firefly001

    firefly001 New Member

    thank you very much :) i will keep study hard and good luck to you too
  10. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You're very welcome! Thank you as well :)
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