I don't know.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Gergin, Oct 3, 2015.

  1. Gergin

    Gergin Well-Known Member

    I've known this person for around a year and a half now. We both like each other but we're always talking around "dating" each other. We'll get mad at each other because we're not "dating", and vice versa. I know we aren't dating because I'm the one holding back. The reason why I don't want to date him is because, well, I'm suicidcal. I don't think he'll like me anymore if I show him who I am as a person. Everyday I have these scenarios playing in my mind about us and it drives me crazy how much I think about him. But I know that with my depression we won't be happy together. I want to save him the disappointment.
     
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I understand your point, but I think that it is flawed. I totally get the fear that someone won't like you anymore if you show them your real self - and I understand wanting to save him the disappointment, but I am not sure you are really saving him anything. He is disappointed already - that you won't date him. Not only that, but probably a little rejected. I think that not doing something because it MIGHT go wrong is not necessarily a good reason not to do it. Sometimes life needs a leap of faith :)

    Keep us posted if the situation progresses!
     
  3. MaddScott

    MaddScott Member

    I think your "real self" will change when you enter the relationship. So will his. It's the nature of human relationships that we change each other, some more so than others, but all to some degree, I think.
     
  4. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member


    Gergin, You "Both" like each other, You "Both" Get mad at each other because you are not dating? I guess I have to ask are you friends with benefits, how does this "Friendship" work? Do you hang out together? Do you do things together? What is this Friendship based on?, I could perhaps guess, but i would find it hard to offer any help without knowing,
    1.where do You see this friendship going? 2. What is this relationship based on, (mutual like of each other?) 3. what do you have in common?
    I could not even begin to offer up anything, I could I guess but what would it's worth be. I would be willing to try again,

    I am wondering how much you trust each other and why? I have read this over several times. I take is from what you are saying scenarios Playing out in your mind, it would say that you at least so far are not FWB, but again I don't know, I am not sure what he thinks. I feel you have presented us with a conundrum. As I said I will Try again but it is the 4th day since you posted, so I don't know what else you have planned. I am sorry I wish I could help someone else out there?? Possibly I am missing something or it is really beyond me? Good Luck Gergin!
     
  5. Gergin

    Gergin Well-Known Member

    We went on a date a few days ago.
    Long story short, We are offically an item, but taking things slow. Crawling slow.
    and thank you for the confidence in this leap of faith.
     
  6. Luca

    Luca Member

    I feel that way all the time about dating. Someone, a mentor, once told me that she hoped I wouldn't date other depressed people because that way the relationship would have a fighting chance. I guess I just prefer dating other depressed people because I know they get it when I can't get out of bed or have an episode. Even with depressed people, I'm afraid of them knowing just how suicidal I really am.