I have no idea what events in my life brougt me to where I am right now. there was nothing significant that the shrinks could find that led me to my suicidal state last time. its just the way I am. I have an extreme personality and ether things really suck or they are awesome. the awesome part usually only lasts about a month and then everthing sucks. is it really woth living knowing that I might have one good month in the next year. NO! searously, I had hope at one time I honestly thougt that I would get better and now here I am again. why should I give myself a false sense of getting better when I know its only temporary? why? I wish someone would just kill me, then it woukdnt be on my shoulders.