I don't know...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by seattle_girl80, Oct 23, 2007.

  1. i hate this. i hate that i have no control. i am someone who needs control in her life.

    lately i've been falling apart. i'm trying so hard to move and get past everything i feel. but i can't. it's actually holding me back. to the point where it's affecting everything else in my life. i can't let it. it's bad enough that i'm falling apart inside, i can't let everything else fall apart.

    last night i cried for hours. i sobbed my heart out. why? i don't know why. what triggered it? i don't know. all i know is that i was in bed, beginning to fall asleep then all of a sudden - out of no where. i began to cry. then i began to cry harder and harder. i couldn't stop myself. and all i wanted was to stop. all i wanted was to be able to turn to someone who would hold me and tell me that no matter what is going on, it'll get better. and they will be there to help me through it.

    i'm tired of this. i went to bed at 8am, and that was only because i took some sleeping pills. more than i should of. but i wanted to sleep. i'm sure without the pills i wouldn't have slept at all. i slept the entire day away, and missed work.

    it's now almost midnight. i can't let this happen again. i'm going to take more pills soon and sleep during the hours that people normally sleep. then wake during the hours that people normally wake.

    i just don't know why this is going on. and i wish i knew why. i wish i had someone to turn to. someone who will be there for me, and not grow tired of me constantly being a nut job....
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    always remember that a good cry is good to 'let it all out', I cry all the time and mostly it's out of my control, when I'm alone. It helps.

    And don't ever forget that YOU ARE in control of your life, no one else is, and you have choices and decisions and control of day to day things.