I don't know

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pioneer, Feb 20, 2008.

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  1. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to do.:sad:

    I am tired, and very suicidal. I want to die and have been wanting it for a long time. I feel over worked and I can't focus, I can't help procrastination. I spend hours doing nothing except thinking about my worth, my dreams, and my death. I want it all to end so badly but my mom had co-signed a loan for me, she would have to pay it. If it weren't for that then I'd be dead now. But now I'm getting confused, every since I started to see a doc. I don't know if its their job or not but she was trying to convince me to live. I don't understand why. I already told her my five year plan and if I stuck with it I can die without regrets. But now I'm confused, can't focus, and overworked. I don't know if I can live through this quarter. I don't know what to do.:sad:
     
  2. Deep Thought

    Deep Thought Well-Known Member

    hi pioneer :shake:

    Even though it might be hard, HANG IN THERE.

    i know wot u mean about being overworked, not being able 2 focus, and especially procrastination! i'm at uni and i spend most of my time staring in2 space thinkin bout my life (or lack of). i find the best thing 2 do during my procrastinating periods is 2 think of wot i want in the future, i.e your ideal career or your own family or anything, and then say 2 urself i will have that, i CAN achieve it. i then take 1 day at a time but trying not 2 loose sight of the future i want.

    I hope this helps. and remember SF is always here 2 help if u wanna tlk :hug:

    D.T
     
  3. Pioneer

    Pioneer Well-Known Member

    I wanted to die so badly. I felt that it was a good feeling since it made all other feelings leave me. The thought of death was so comforting I became addicted. The fear and uncertainty with death felt soothing. But now it feels like my whole body is rejecting my mind and the result is this enormous feeling of despair and hopelessness. I have been fighting this feeling in my mind all month but now I'm starting to suffer on the outside with my work and studies. I've completely lost interest in all things related to school and life and thought only of death. All I used to want the most is to learn, this incredible desire to learn and use what I know was a feeling that I used to love. Now all I want to do is end my life and pass over and this feeling is so very painful.

    I'm gonna talk to my advisers tomorrow and see what i can do. Maybe I can take a break.
     
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    depression can make it incredibly hard to concentrate, complete assignments, so keeping up your grades will be tough. suicide starts to occupy more and more of your thoughts, until you begin to obsess on it 24/7. all other options are erased. all other good memories are gone. you withdraw, feel lonely, withdraw some more and feel worse. now suicide is a brilliant idea! this is all part of the cycle.

    so, as well as taking a short break from school, you consider using that time off to reach out and get treatment. once you are thinknig of suicide alot of the time its important to get some outside help. depression *can* be treated... if you read around the site you will see the kinds of things that various members are trying.

    thinking of you,
    catherine
     
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    sounds like you are definitely into the throes of depression. It effects so many aspects of your life. Give things a chance and keep hanging in there. Let us help support you where we can. Let your doctor know what your thoughts and feelings are. Don't be afraid to accept help. Let us know how things are going for you. :hug:
     
  6. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    depression will make everything seem impossible and limits your abilty or willingness to cope. all you wnt to do is to get away, end the suffering and pain you feel and thats when suicide plays on your mind.

    i know how you feel, i really do.

    but suicide won't change anything except to hurt and confuse those you love and care about, they will be wondering why? but no one will be able to answer that for them.
    then they will blame themselves and it will just go on and on.

    hang in there, seek help from docs, close friends or even your family if you can talk about it to them.
    you need a few people as support who can give you a different view of things.

    try doing something different to take your mind of things for a bit, go for a run, get out and about and try to stop just sitting thinking about suicide.

    take care
     
  7. Deep Thought

    Deep Thought Well-Known Member

    it's good ur gonna c some1. taking a break from school could really help. or even tryin 2 get ur studies reduced, so u have more time 2 do work (so not gettin as stressed) but u still have something 2 do, rather than doin nothin.

    let us kno wot happens

    D.T
     
  8. NuPrime33

    NuPrime33 Member

    Ohio! I go to UC. And man, that post looked like something I would say, seriously. We just gotta stick with it. I've been depressed for 3 years. And almost jumped in traffic a couple days ago lol. I think it's completely interesting for intelligent people to commit suicide. It's like counter-intuitive. Besides depression I think I have a few other things that go on in my mind. But since depression has hit a lot more, it's hard to control myself. Which leads to thoughts of suicide.

    Anyways, be thankful you're in college, it's def not for me. And be glad that she is co-signing your loans. It's just enough thread on the rope to keep you hanging on :wink:. Don't let go..
     
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