Awake....should be sleeping but woke up. So much has been happening and no break in the mess, and ya know I sorta need one. How can someone ask me to do what they wanted...I guess I dont mind, because Ive always said I will help and I mean that when I say it. I just thought I would never have to draw a line in what I am willing to do. Its too late now, whats done is done and it cant be changed. I let people walk all over me and I dont do a damn thing about it. I am a punching bag and soundboard, it will be the story of my life, it wont ever change. So I guess I have to either deal with it, or get the hell outta dodge. So many promises that cant be broken, but how do I cope or deal? I cant just up and leave. So many times I have just wanted to pack up a little bag, sell my truck, leave my apartment, and just go. Not take anything with me I can communicate with, just let my mind take over. If it takes over then I wont be at fault for anything I do, it can be blamed on insanity, and nothing else. Many have offered help and I have taken it. I just dont know how big of a difference I am making for others, if any. Will anyone really notice if im gone? I want to tell myself no one will notice, but maybe they will. They tell me they will but I dont know. This is just a long pathetic rant, just like me.