I don't know.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jetsabel, May 29, 2009.

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  1. jetsabel

    jetsabel Member

    I don't know what's happening to me.
    I suffer from borderline and depression, so I'm always fucked up in some way.
    Right now I'm feeling so suicidal.. I was reading about a guy from Brazil who killed himself - Vinicius, a.k.a. YoƱlu - and listening to his music and I started thinking, why not?
    I could do it right now, but I don't know how. I tried it a couple days ago taking too many pills - XXXXX - but it didn't work.
    I have this huge problem with self harm and my body is full of scars. It's been two days now without cutting but I can't stand it anymore, I need serious help. Nobody helps me. I'm in love with a depressed guy and we broke up but we still love each other - we're just too fucked up to go on. And my family doesn't help at all... I can't talk to anyone. My best friend is always trying to help me but he just doesn't understand. He's the only one I talk about things.
    I don't even know why I'm posting here.. it's just that I saw this link and I'm trying to be okay.. And I need HELP.

    PS I'm sorry if there's any grammar error or something - I'm brazilian, so I don't know english this well
    PS2 If something's wrong about my post, just please let me know and I'll try to fix it. I'm new here and I don't really know the rules.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 29, 2009
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Firstly, welcome...when we are in an unstable place, we may be triggered (set off) by something...this is not a justification or rational support for what we are thinking...it is a release, a place to put our ill feelings...see what else you can focus on and feel proud that you have not cut for several days...welcome again and please continue to let us know how you are doing, big hugs, J
     
  3. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    welcome to the forum jetsabel :hug:

    congratulations on not cutting for two days - that's great... there are lots of people here who you can reach out to for support, and you do not need to feel completely alone :hug: please keep posting and know that there are people here who care :)

    Ellie
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums Jetsebel!! Your thread is nothing to fret about.. Feel free to vent here anytime..There are many members here who are in similar states as you.. You are lucky to have someone in your life who loves you.. Maybe the two of you need to sit down and talk about your feelings..I hope that you can come back together.. Take care of yourself and well done for not cutting..I tried it and it did nothing towards making me feel better so I stopped..
     
  5. jetsabel

    jetsabel Member

    Thank you so much for all the help :) I came home today thinking about suicide but your kind words made me think again. Thank you so so so much, you just don't know how great is to read this and realize that there are people who care about me even without knowing me! thank you thank you thank you <3

    About these days without cutting, I really thought it was nothing, I mean, just a few days.. But now I realize that I should be proud of myself. I don't wanna cut myself again - I know I will because I can't stop this quick -, but I feel really helpless when I don't cut. It's an endless circle.

    Anyway, I hung out with some friends today. I don't really talk to them, but my best friend was there and he convinced me to go. After two hours I was desperate and wanting to go home, but I'm satisfied that I at least left home today! And it was kinda fun if you ask me :)

    I'm feeling a little better today, but not quite. Think about suicide makes me feel less worried about living another day - it's like knowing that I have a easy way out, even if I'm trying so hard not to use it.

    Thank you all again <3
     
  6. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    It sounds like things are improving for you which is great :)
    And its also great youve discovered SF which can help you in sooo many ways.

    Enjoy the good your feeling now, and remember this positive feeling for when you feel down again. So many people say make threads saying there is no hope and no happiness waiting them, so it is so important to focus on and remember the good times in your life during the bad ones.

    Keep posting on here, if you feel down again, make another thread. Keep this forum close because it can help you so much. Nice to meet you jetsabel and look forward to seeing your posts in the future :)

    Alfie
     
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