....glad you posted this. what a tough situation. i am a mom of two, and i am lucky to have good rapport with my ex-husband (the kids dad)
so, i notice you are in kansas. in the united states, fathers rights are being validated more and more, by our courts.
i am in illinois, and there is an atty here who specializes in father's rights.
pm me if you want his name. i know he is illinois. however, he may be able to connect you with an atty with a similiar agenda, in kansas.
you are important, as a father, to this child.
you need to be able to see your child. it is very very important, not only to you - but for the child's development.
please don't give up.
suicide is just not the answer hun
fighting for the right to be with your child - that is where your answer lies.
think of a child growing up with the pressure, knowledge and stigma of a parent that committed suicide.
i wish you the best
pm if you want to talk
xxx