i dont know

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pad, Jul 2, 2009.

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  1. Pad

    Pad Well-Known Member

    how long i can keep on like this.
     
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    pad what is going on? Please tell us more so we can be there for you!
    Did something happen today to make you feel worse?
    Please hang in there and you can PM if you want.

    B
     
  3. Pad

    Pad Well-Known Member

    i dont feel normal, nothing feels that real. my mind feels hollow. Im ashamed of
    how little i feel for anything, my lifes a mess and uncontrollable. Im a weirdo
    and i hate the way people look at me or talk to/about me. I just want to be
    left alone for the rest of my life. No i dont even want loneliness
     
  4. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey pad well the first question i have is are you getting help? I mean here is great but usually not enough and well untreated depression is a battle too hard to keep doing day in a day out.
    I recently went off my meds and only was i unbelievable sad and depressed I could not feel anything which if i understand things right is alot of how you are feeling...numb would be agood word. I mean i could not feel good and then I couldn't even feel bad,,couldn't cry even just nothing.
    so may i ask if you are getting help and if not are you open to doing so? I will help you with this too, call around etc.
    Can you tell me a bit more about your life and situation? or it you have written it out I will go look, just trying to know you and understand your situation better?

    Why do you say your life is a mess? Would be a good start.
    Glad you are talking with all of us so we can help.
    Love ya B
     
  5. bright1

    bright1 Well-Known Member

    I had to stop and write down what's at the end of your post in a book I keep for great quotations. Do you know the source?

    I'd be interested to hear what's going on in your life now and why you think you're a weirdo. I often feel the same way, and can't decide if I should try to act more normally or embrace my weirdness and look for someone who can appreciate me as I am.

    Will you share what's going on?
     
  6. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I really think you should seek some medical help, in the form of therapy maybe, because it sounds like you need someone to talk to and someone to advise you on how to deal with these emotions you have now.
    You're certainly not a weirdo, you're a normal human being who's just having a few problems right now and needs some help.
    Keep talking with us here, we'll help as best as we can :hug:
     
  7. Pad

    Pad Well-Known Member

    Ive been to therapy for this before so I know it won't help me. I can never say
    what I truly mean and get frustrated to the point of just agreeing with them.
    I've also been on medication but that made me worse so I was given different meds, still felt worse so stopped that.

    Theres not much going on in my life, I have just always been lonely since I can
    remember.I tried to get friends in high school but would always be left out so
    gave up on that. I don't know what it is about me, I'm just not a very likeable
    person I guess. I get no respect even though I give it. Maybe I did something
    really bad in a past life or something. Now I don't even feel like being with
    people even thoughI hate this loneliness. I want to connect with someone, just
    one person would be enough. I thought I had but when we met it turns out I
    was everything she told me I wasn't. I believed I could be wrong about myself
    but no, it happens too much to not be true. This is me. This will always be me

    Bright1-- The quote comes from Ranier Maria Rilke: Letter To A Young Poet, Its a very interesting read I have the link here if you would like to read it http://www.sfgoth.com/~immanis/rilke/letter8.html
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey Pad i too am very lonely but continue to try to reach out to people. You really should try therapy again every therapist is different maybe the last one just couldn't connect right with you. It takes a while looking but there are great therapist who can help you. Yeh the medication is tricky i am still working on that one to but try again because it can help you become more socialble. Have you tried voulunteering at a food bank or animal shelter or just helping out with disabled children or even visit a nursing home. There are lots of patients who would love a visit from someone. Just continue to reach out okay because there are kind people out there really. Take care and try getting professional help again Keep in touch here as well let us know how you are doing
     
  9. Pad

    Pad Well-Known Member

    Therapy won't work for me, i'm pretty sure of that. I can never take advice
    there is just something in me that won't allow me to. It's like I want to figure
    things out for myself and if i can't then its tough lol. It feels like there is
    something wrong with me and me thinking in a different way will not change
    that. Medication feels like pure guesswork to me and who knows what damage
    it does to you anyway. When I was on medication it just felt wrong, even the
    act of putting the pills in my mouth made me feel bad. I'm afraid to say i'm
    sticking by my date and at the moment i see no change. Im trying to get better
    but it's not easy, in fact it's pretty impossible. My sad existance isnt worth
    the hassle if I wont change.

    Sorry for being so downbeat, everyone is trying to help and i thankyou for that.
    You are all good people, but I just can't see the upside of this
     
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    My god you sound like me I fought the medication whole mind and body. It made me sick just picking up the bottle You know what happened i bottomed i got so depressed and suicidal i had no other choice but try again. This time my mind was so tired and weak it didn't fight the medication and the medication actually started to work It didn't take away all the pain but it helped decrease it. The mind sure is mixed up but stop fighting it and tell your mind medication is the only help right now and with therapy talking to someone coming here you will feel better. Try medication again and see what happens whats one more try. take care mary
     
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