I don't know.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Synesthetic Soul, Feb 28, 2010.

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  1. Synesthetic Soul

    Synesthetic Soul Well-Known Member

    I wanna apologize ahead of time for my weird wording and strange text format. I know it can make things hard to read but I don't know how else to sort my thoughts.

    I really don't, and this subforum was dangerous to me before it happened.
    And still, I wound up here, didn't I?

    See, my words are already minced, but this kind of thing minces your mind.

    I thought I'd be okay. I figured I could carry it. I have to. I cannot do anything about it because of all the other people it would hurt. It's bad enough it hurts me, but to take action would hurt several other people whom I love very much and don't deserve to suffer anymore.

    What am I going on about? Well.

    New Year's Eve I was at a friend's house. My me and my BF at the time were falling apart (actually, we were already over, we just hadn't admitted it yet).
    I had one glass of wine. I guess being miserable already didn't help. I can't handle alcohol well and my friend went out for pizza. When he came back I was "done" as we say here. Heh.

    Well, we know where it's gonna go so I'm not going into details.
    But he did indeed take advantage of me.
    I thought I'd be okay. I'll carry it but I had a flash back. I was at my new beau's house and he's there like "what on Earth is going on?"
    Obviously, I couldn't hide it from him. So I told him what happened and it was hard. His reaction was normal but at the same time profound. (My ex would never have been able to handle it...)

    I don't know what to do, like I said before: Taking action would hurt more people than I care to hurt. My boyfriend demands I do something before he hurts someone else and he's right but...
    My friends are his kids (and I know it only makes it worse), I don't want to hurt them.

    My goal is to work past this on my own. And by on my own I mean without confronting him. To do it with the support of my few friends who do know, my friends here, and the other people I don't know who are here to help.

  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Well done for writing all that out. I found it very easy to understand, so don't worry about any of that.

    I'm so sorry for what you've gone through, and what you continue to go through because of that.

    If you did decide to report it, remember it would not be you hurting anyone, it would be him and his actions. However, that is something that is within your control, and whether or not you choose to report it needs to be your choice, not something forced on you by anyone. You've already had control removed in relation to this, and its important for you to be empowered and not have more control removed (even if this time it would be with your very best interests at heart).

    I am thinking that it might be worth looking for a therapist who can help you work through this, maybe someone who specialises in sexual assault. Also, if you are in the UK, have you tried a rape crisis centre?

    Have you tried any strategies to help with flashbacks?
  3. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    i dont really have much more to add from scum's post, but scum is right, if you report it you wont be hurting anyone, he has hurt you, and he shouldnt, you shouldnt feel pressured into keeping quiet, nor should you be forced to report it if you dont want to, you have to do what you feel most comfortable with, as it is you who has to live with the decision, it is great you have some friends there to support you, you dont deserve to have been hurt, and you do not deserve to go through this alone! remember he is the one who did wrong, not you, Do not blame yourself! would your BF support you to report it too, as it is importnat that you have the right support in place if u decide to report it, i would also suggest that u get a therapist asap who specalises in sexual assult, as the longer you leave it the worse it can feel, flashbacks can be hard to deal with and a therapist who specalises in sexaul assult etc, will have some great ways in how to deal with flashbacks. :hug: take care, and well done for posting, it must have been hard, well done!
  4. Synesthetic Soul

    Synesthetic Soul Well-Known Member

    Thank you, you guys.

    I know what the "right" thing to do is. And that is to try and report it. (Remember, it's been two months since it happened and I don't know how it works with time. I am in America.)

    My boyfriend is being more than supportive in taking care of me but he almost demands that I report him. However, he also knows he can't force me to do what I don't want to do.
    I wish I could be with him now though, I can't wait until I move out. My current living situation isn't helping with the stability of my mind. I know that after that things will be a little easier and I can persue therapy. To do that right now would create complications that I do not want.

    Other than getting help, I don't know what to do. I feel a little lost now. Sigh. Thanks again, you guys.
  5. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i really can't offer much advise even though i would really love to help, but this much i do know i believe if i'm not mistaken here in the states the statutes of limitations on something like this is five years...if it's only been two months no problem... i hope for the best for ya...take care
  6. Synesthetic Soul

    Synesthetic Soul Well-Known Member

    The problem is proving it. Though he does feel guilt and might confess to his crime. I don't really know.
  7. Synesthetic Soul

    Synesthetic Soul Well-Known Member

    I confronted him today. He fell apart. I think he was crying. I feel so much better. I still don't know what to do but it helped a lot.
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