So, me and this guy got really close. I met him online. He lives so far away, but we kept talking for so long and ended up loving each other. He lives in an area where I've always wanted to move, but I'm really afraid of change and flying and I might not even ever have enough money to go there. So we talked about these things, and he was telling me how he's lost hope in everything we once had. He still loves me, but it feels like his dreams are being crushed. And the conversation went on and on and I just sat there. It was more of him talking and he sitting there compeltely speechless. After my friend picked me up, I walked away for a little bit and called the suicide hotline. I was feeling so bad, and really wanted to die. I feel like a really bad person because it's all my fault. Well, when someone answered, I hung up, too afraid to talk. The guy came online and we talked about it and stuff. I still feel really down though, and I want to call the hotline to just talk, you know? Talk about how I was feeling and stuff. But I'm scared and I don't know what to say. I want to hurt myself, or just frickin disappear. I hate this. I hate how I'm feeling. I hate how much I've hurt him. I hate myself so much for this. I don't know what to do.