I don't know...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Silent Angel, Jul 18, 2010.

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  1. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    So, me and this guy got really close. I met him online. He lives so far away, but we kept talking for so long and ended up loving each other. He lives in an area where I've always wanted to move, but I'm really afraid of change and flying and I might not even ever have enough money to go there. So we talked about these things, and he was telling me how he's lost hope in everything we once had. He still loves me, but it feels like his dreams are being crushed. And the conversation went on and on and I just sat there. It was more of him talking and he sitting there compeltely speechless.

    After my friend picked me up, I walked away for a little bit and called the suicide hotline. I was feeling so bad, and really wanted to die. I feel like a really bad person because it's all my fault. Well, when someone answered, I hung up, too afraid to talk.

    The guy came online and we talked about it and stuff. I still feel really down though, and I want to call the hotline to just talk, you know? Talk about how I was feeling and stuff. But I'm scared and I don't know what to say. I want to hurt myself, or just frickin disappear. I hate this. I hate how I'm feeling. I hate how much I've hurt him. I hate myself so much for this. I don't know what to do. :(
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    You first intention was right on..call the hot line ..THEY ARE GREAT ! They really care and want to help so use them it truly helps!
    Long distance love is hard I have done a few and they didn't turn out so well and one rather ugly the moment we meant so do be wary....
    I am sorry your heart is sad but you can call the hot line and be safe and you can come here to talk as well...please keep reaching out..it helps to get all the running thoughts and emotions out of your head that is certain and we understand where you are coming from

    Please take care and stick around a lot so we can help you through this
  3. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    We had a nother really bad night last night, leaving me feeling even worse, and then I went manic. I'm really struggling with this.
  4. Azmodius

    Azmodius Well-Known Member

    I agree with bambi, they are worth talking to. Sometimes, no matter how much typing you do, it's sometimes a great help to hear a soothing, empathetic voice to advise.
    I've done the long distance love, it's so difficult that it was never going to work, she simply didn't love me that much. But, that said, my friend recently got married in Ireland, they spent the last 4 years of their relationship far apart, it didn't change it.
    Depends how you feel, but if he's also going through a great deal, one or both of you have to be strong to support each other. You know you have support here though, and we can do all we can to help you, I'm sure we understand how you feel.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Emma. I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling suicidal, due to an online relationship not working out. But how can you be really sure that you both love each other if you haven't even met in person? I'm not trying to diminish your relationship in any way, but how can you really love him if you have not even met him? All I'm saying is that people can seem great at first, but when you really get to know them, they can be completely different.
  6. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    Thanks, everyone.

    But looks like i'll never be able to figure out if I love him 'for sure' or not. It's over. We're just going to be friends. Oh well.

    I think I'll never be happy again.
  7. Silent Angel

    Silent Angel Well-Known Member

    Well, I called the hotline and had the guts to actually talk after hanging up five times before it. It helped a little. Made me feel less like a horrible person.
  8. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    You have a wonderful chance to have a great friendship with someone for the time being, I think deep down that is better then not knowing them at all. And who knows what might happen in the future, I know for sure if you did something like killing yourself then nothing would happen. You still may meet this person, and who knows what might happen when you meet, but in the meantime you have a friend, and that is something I would be grateful for. I hope you are gentle on yourself, take care.

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