i dont know

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by bigloozer, Mar 20, 2012.

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  1. bigloozer

    bigloozer Member

    I have just been to see my T. As usual we chatted about things in general and then at the end she asked if I wanted to discuss anything in particular and once again I said No. The thing is between visits I write lists of everything that gets to me so that I can discuss these feelings but when the crunch comes I am silent. Its so frustrating I have even given her the pages before but cant seem to discuss the things on the page. Am I scared of her... No Am I intimidated... No Am I scared of the outcome of being forthright about my wanting to die..... Yep. I am so sick of feeling like the stupid useless idiot that I am. I get so angry because I hate me and I want me to go away. Is this what I have to look forward to for ever? cos I feel that I cant and will not go on like this. My T is trying to get me in to see a Pdoc but is having trouble due to them being so overworked. In the meantime I just go nuts and continue to hate life.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun i hate me words I have used so often the thing is hun in time you will gain that T trust and you will talk I hope sooner then later. Don't waste any more time in pain okay It is not YOU you hate it is whatever that has caused you pain or whoever that you hate. I hope i am making sense self hatred i know it well and i don't want you to go on feeling that sadness that anger okay Next time you see your Therapist you talk she or he will not lock you up they will help you cope with the pain they will help you release it in a safe way under their care and will let you leave in a safe state of mind You have to trust someone hun so please trust your T okay You can talk here anytime as well it helps to just be able to be heard and you are heard here Hugs to you
     
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi there :aussie: from a kiwi :smile: Welcome, and pleased to meet you - this is a great place for learning how to talk about things, and there are lots of caring people here to listen. We all of us have the hardest job trying to be someone else, in fact we all fail at it! Let's work out together how our minds can become our best friends :smile: That is what this guy teaches, and he's worth his keep, believe me : <edit mod total eclipse spam> Blessings and strength, have to go quickly, sorry
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2012
  4. station

    station Member

    there is so much to look forward to, the tricky part is, the best things in life, you usually don't see coming. it's hard to look forward to something when you don't really know what it is yet. so sometimes you just have to trust that it's coming, and it is. and sometimes you just have to trust that it gets better, and i can tell you that it does. i just try to look forward to the little things that make me happy, the little things really add up.
     
  5. letty

    letty Banned Member

    hey there big, i dont think your a loozer or a stupid idiot. i give you credit for writing down the things you want to talk about or the issues, thats a first step, dont be so hard on yourself, and its a big step that you are seeing a therapist, give it time. talking about your feelings can be scary but just know your T is there to help you . hang in there.
     
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    You aren't a stupid useless idiot and you shouldn't hate yourself. I think you are a likable person. You should tell your therapist whatever if on your mind, because she will be able to help you. I hope things get better for you soon!
     
  7. bigloozer

    bigloozer Member

    Thank you and hugs back to you all for the friendship shown to me.
    Still struggling but still here.
    I suppose thats a good thing.
    bigloozer.
     
  8. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Yes, it's a very good thing. We are glad you're still here and hope you will be for a long time. :hug:
     
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