I have just been to see my T. As usual we chatted about things in general and then at the end she asked if I wanted to discuss anything in particular and once again I said No. The thing is between visits I write lists of everything that gets to me so that I can discuss these feelings but when the crunch comes I am silent. Its so frustrating I have even given her the pages before but cant seem to discuss the things on the page. Am I scared of her... No Am I intimidated... No Am I scared of the outcome of being forthright about my wanting to die..... Yep. I am so sick of feeling like the stupid useless idiot that I am. I get so angry because I hate me and I want me to go away. Is this what I have to look forward to for ever? cos I feel that I cant and will not go on like this. My T is trying to get me in to see a Pdoc but is having trouble due to them being so overworked. In the meantime I just go nuts and continue to hate life.