Hello, A couple of years now I've been thinking about suicide but recently it's starting to become more frequent but it's not serious yet, it's not that I'm suffering and I can't cope, it's just that I don't like living. I feel as if I'm at the bottom of a mountain that I have to climb, but I already know that on the top of the mountain there's nothing for me, probably more mountains. As I said, I'm not in pain at all, in fact I think most people would consider my life as good. All my life people have always told me I have a big future ahead of me, that I'm so smart, so lucky, I'm 24 and I have a promising career ahead of me, I have someone who loves me deeply, but somehow I don't look forward to that brilliant future. You see, my problem is that I don't like (most, like the big majority of) people, therefore I don't have any friends, at least not close ones, I've always had a girlfriend since I was 16, my first serious girlfriend was with me for 7 years but eventually things grew apart and I got tired of the relatioship, since then it has been the same with all the others, it just happens faster now, so everlasting love and a family are not something I hope to find in the future. As for my career, I've noticed most people are not happy with their jobs, I know I'm not, and the more I look, the more disappointed I become, it seems there's always something people have to complain about, I've been working to move to the US, but because of my nationality it has become really hard for me, not sure if after I finally get it, I will feel better on that aspect of my life. I don't have any religious beliefs nor I'm scared of the afterlife. So, the only thing that keeps me going is my mom, she is my heroin and I don't want to cause her any pain, I actually would like to give her everything, I don't want her to work never again but it has become really hard for me to go on feeling this way. So I would like to talk to someone without scaring them, I would like to know if these thoughts are normal?, what can I do to keep pushing myself?, how to cope with this feeling of not belonging and the lack of hope for my future?. Thank you very much for reading this, have a nice day.