I dont love my own mother. My mother had be at the age of 16 and as you can imagine she wasnt the best mother, and as she told me the other day she felt that she had to prove that she was a 'good' mother. Well i was a rebellious child, mainly at school, i hated (and still do) authority, and i refused to recognise anyones. As you can imagine that didnt go down to well, how did mother solve the problem? My beating me, which fair enough, a smack here and there, can be good for child. But the bigger i got, the harder she'd hit me, until, and these are her own words 'your too big for me to be hitting you with my hand' so she'd pick up the closest thing to her, eventually i felt nothing more than her punch bag. I embarassed her by getting into trouble, made her feel like a bad parent, so she'd hit me to make herself feel better. Or atleast so i believed, and believe.
So now im we're at the stage, where i avoid talking to her, being in the same room as her, whenever she talks to me, i see it as a personal attack on me, even if she was asking me how was my day, i would see it as a malicious question. I dont love her, and my mind has made her out to be evil.
Now one would assume thats why im writing this, but its not, im writing this because i hate myself for not loving her. Every child should love their mother, I feel like by not loving her, im a defect, a malfunctioned human. Eternally jealous of all those that are loved and more importantly those that love thier mothers.
I confronted her about this, well to a lesser extent, and you know what she said, "i was young you were my first child, and it was just unfortunate that it was you i made my mistakes on."
It was just unfortunate...
So now im we're at the stage, where i avoid talking to her, being in the same room as her, whenever she talks to me, i see it as a personal attack on me, even if she was asking me how was my day, i would see it as a malicious question. I dont love her, and my mind has made her out to be evil.
Now one would assume thats why im writing this, but its not, im writing this because i hate myself for not loving her. Every child should love their mother, I feel like by not loving her, im a defect, a malfunctioned human. Eternally jealous of all those that are loved and more importantly those that love thier mothers.
I confronted her about this, well to a lesser extent, and you know what she said, "i was young you were my first child, and it was just unfortunate that it was you i made my mistakes on."
It was just unfortunate...