I shouldn't... but I need to. I'm going crazy on my own. I don't know what to do, I don't know what I'm doing. I need help, but I won't get it. I'll tell them what's wrong and they'll give me this and that. They'll suggest treatment and therapy, but they're asking the wrong questions. I can't blame them though, I'm not giving them the right answers. How can I anyway? I don't know what to say. I never have. It's hard for me to express myself. My mind doesn't flow like I want it to. It jumbles everything up into confusion. How can anyone understand me if I don't know how to explain it? I'm not making sense even though I try really hard. So what can I do? Shut myself off like I always do. It's easier, less confusion, less tasking for me to explain everything to the world like I'm five years old. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what's the fucking point fuck off!!!!!!! I want to die now. By now I mean soon. This is a decision I have had years to think about. There will be pain for some, happiness for others. What I can guarantee though is nothingness for me, non-existence. Something I have been looking forward to for a long time. I can't stand it anymore. I give up. I'm not the first and I won't be the last. I won't fight it any longer. I'm too tired and it's become a boring and repetitive fight. I lose, you win. Congratulations. Game over. Go fuck yourself. Bye.