Ive realised something today, in between punching myself in the face. I dont matter. I just exist. My face smarts. She's used me. Yet again ive picked the wrong one. This time even sherlock would have believed her every word. I dont matter one bit. Love deserts me and this week I bury a friend. Cant take it, Im not strong enough but I have to. The pain is crushing me, its pounding my flesh.