I dont matter

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by forlorn, Mar 16, 2010.

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  1. forlorn

    forlorn Staff Alumni

    Ive realised something today, in between punching myself in the face. I dont matter. I just exist. My face smarts. She's used me. Yet again ive picked the wrong one. This time even sherlock would have believed her every word. I dont matter one bit. Love deserts me and this week I bury a friend. Cant take it, Im not strong enough but I have to. The pain is crushing me, its pounding my flesh.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    You do matter. :hug: What happened?
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Everyone matters- including you.

    Can you tell us more about what's happened?
  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Jim, her dad's just died. Shes dound to want some space, that doesn't mean you've picked the wrong one or that she lied and used you. Give her some space and some time. Thats all you can do. If you love her, be ready to be there for her when she needs you.
  5. forlorn

    forlorn Staff Alumni

    Thats the problem Vikki, she doesnt need me. It all happened so quick and I cant help thinking of me. Yes she's lost her Dad but managed to gain a new lover at the same time? I know none of this matters and i am sorry for her but my lifes over. I forgive her and wish her well. Im carrying the coffin on friday and will try to mourn him and not her. My heads all over the place and Im trying to forget about me and think about how she's going to cope without her Dad. I worked in a soup kitchen on Saturday and the homeless were so grateful it made me humble. It must be all my fault, all of it. She says she never meant to start it . I keep going round and round and just want it to stop. Im feeling guilty and it keeps me awake at night. I know I cant have her back and she wont want me as a friend. Ive lost her and thats, that. :(
  6. forlorn

    forlorn Staff Alumni

    I know she's going through a lot and Im sorry for my posts. I just dont know how to deal with any of this. I cant talk to her and Im worried for me. I suffer with depression and have tried things in the past but always due to alcohol. I have not drank a drop since the wednesday before last and dont ever intend to again. im rapidly dropping in weight and my behaviour has lets say been very eratic. The guilt of just having my worries on my mind while she's suffering and not being able to comfort her is tremendous. She's gone and what I do now, i dont know. Sorry if i seem pathetic but Im just not me.
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    You don't seem pathetic. Just sounds like you're going through so much all at one time. My PM box is always open if you want to talk.
  8. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

  9. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    *comforts forlorn* :hug:
  10. forlorn

    forlorn Staff Alumni

    Dont know what to do, dont know what to say. Cant work any of this out. Why cant I just shut her off? Why is she haunting me at night? Why is this happening to me? Her of all ppl. I dont get it, not her. Why did he have to die? Why didnt I see this all coming? Whats wrong with me? Why am I such a fool?
  11. Dubstepper

    Dubstepper Staff Alumni

    you're not a fool Jim. I know that everything is rough for you right now, and I can understand you're hurting. It's hard to let go of someone we care for so deeply. I'm always here if you need to chat about anything or if you just want to rant.

    You know I'm there for ya
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