I don't mean anything

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Adeline, Apr 7, 2007.

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  1. Adeline

    Adeline Well-Known Member

    Hi,

    I don't mean anything to anyone. I feel invisible to my family....to my friends....to everyone. I wake up in the morning and I tell myself that today will be different. I dream of all the things that I will do and become....but they never become a reality because I don't change.

    I want to have good friends and a healthy social life but there must be something wrong with me if I don't. I have no confidence in myself at all. I try to believe in myself but I feel so different and detached from other people.

    I want to do well academically but I judge myself harshly and am my own worse enemy. I wish that I was special but I am in no way distinct or talented. I want the best from myself only because I know that I can do better than I am doing now. I feel suicidal because I am so isolated and meaningless.

    I find it detestable that I am so weak and lonely. I hate the way I am. I'm just sick of all this and I dislike myself around other people. I want to fall asleep and never wake up again and I hope that I do one day.

    I know that there is something wrong because these feelings are killing me. They really are. There is no escaping them. And nobody cares....no one notices.... I could disappear and no one would notice the difference. Help me please.

    Earla :seeyou:
     
  2. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    Earla hun, u are important. We all go thru our struggles and have to fight them. Never give up.
     
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Hi Earla,

    Welcome to SF :)

    Have you told them how you feel? What is it that makes you feel invisible? I can promise you that you mean something to this forum. You only posted your welcome a little while ago and already have a few responses.

    What is your dream? What is it that you want to do? You can do virtually anything you want. It might take time, but you can get there. Maybe you could make a flow chart (like a plan of action with arrows and stuff) showing what you could do to reach your aim. The little steps and everything, which might show you that you are working towards your aim, or else give you things to do to get there.

    Some people find friends and a healthy social life really easy, but if you don't that doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you, it just means that your strengths lie elsewhere (even if you can't see them at the moment). Maybe a good thing to do would be to join some clubs or hobbies related to things you enjoy. That would help you meet people with similar interests, which might help you.

    Maybe it might be worth trying to build your self esteem. If you go to google and type in 'ways to improve self esteem' loads of different things come up, maybe you could look through them and do some. It could really help you believe what you are telling yourself. What is it that makes you feel detached and different from other people? You are different from other people, but oonly in the sense that every single person is different from everyone else.

    You sound EXACTLY like me in that sense. No matter what I achieve, it is never good enough. Maybe instead of looking at what you WANT to achieve, make a list of all the good things you have done. It might help you to make the list with someone else, because they will be able to be unbiased about it. But it is important to remember that the more pressure you put on yourself, PROBABLY the more your work will suffer. If you try to remove the pressure you put yourself under, you will probably achieve more because you are less stressed. Is there any particular reason that you have such unreachable expectations of yourself?

    You are SO wrong there. Every single person has a talent,, it's just finding it. It could be something like dancing, or it could be being a good friend, a great listener, making people laugh. It will be there, but probably you can't see it because you have no confidence or self esteem. And you are so special because everyone is. Has anyone ever made you feel special?

    Id it realistic that you can do better than you are now? or is it an unrealistic aim? Maybe if you could try to aim for realistic aims, it might help you.

    With regards to being suicidal, have you been to a doctor about this? They can do a lot to help you feel better. Things like meds and/or therapy could really help you come through what you are feeling right now.

    Could you try and find a purpose? Like doing volunteer work or something? That might make you feel you are doing something worthwhile.

    You say you are isolated, in what way do you mean?

    You are not weak, you actually sound very strong for battling on all the time.

    You might find that these things improve if you can improve your self esteem, and can see the good in yourself, because there is a lot there. I can already tell you are intelligent, determined, strong. which are all good qualities.

    Yes, there is something wrong. And the best way to make that better is to go to your doctor. He can help you feel better in many ways. You don't deserve to feel so bad, so you need to try and do things to help yourself feel better.

    Hang in there honey. I hope something I have said helps.

    Take care of yourself
     
  4. Adeline

    Adeline Well-Known Member

    Hi Scum,

    Thank you for your advice and kind words of encouragement.

    What makes me feel invisible is that my family don't seem to notice that I am in pain. In fact, sometimes I don't think that they notice me at all. I find it hard to talk to them and when I do, I feel like they don't take me seriously enough. What I'm feeling is not some figment of my imagination that will go away tomorrow. This is how I've felt for such a long time now....like I don't matter and if I disappeared they wouldn't even notice.

    I feel isolated and detached from other people because I think that no one knows or understands what I am going through. My life just doesn't seem to have any real meaning. I walk into a room and there might be loads of people around me, talking and laughing, and meanwhile I feel lost, lonely and completely imprisoned by my own sadness and lack of self-worth. I just don't feel like living anymore. Nothing seems to give me pleasure and I do feel like I've lost the will to live.

    My only dream at the moment is to get better. I have other dreams but I think that I am not good enough to achieve them. I don't want to fail but I don't want to cheat myself out of happiness either. Every dream I have scares me because it will make me face my worst fears about myself.

    I have a lot of academic expectations of myself because I feel that it is the only area in my life that I have ever excelled at. I guess that I have always considered academic achievement as a measure of my self-worth and being just average isn't good enough. I can't focus at the moment and I am not doing as well as I want to. I feel distracted by this terrible depression all the time. I can't seem to shake myself out of it. How do I get out of this depression? How do I get out of hating myself all the time and wanting to die? How do I stop the pain?

    No one has ever made me feel special....not for a while yet. I am so colourless, bland, dull and boring that I don't think I will ever be anyone special.

    I just feel very tired and disinterested at the moment. It feels as though I will never be happy again. I will try some of the things the you advised me to do. Thank you for reading this.

    Thanks to Beret as well for your kind words. They are much appreciated.

    Love,

    Earla
     
  5. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    :hug: Anytime honey. Hopefully this forum can give you some hope and help.

    Have you tried to tell them how bad you feel? Or do you just kind of expect them to know because to you it is so obvious how bad you feel? Sometimes people don't see things (or listen) because they don't want to see/hear. Maybe you could write them a letter explaining all you feel and why. It would be hard, and really scary, but having something written down would give them something to read over and over again, and it might sink in how absolutely horrific you feel at the moment.

    I know the feeling won't go away tomorrow. I can relate to what you are saying, I truly can. Not in the same way, but I can relate. But with work, you and your family can once again start communicating and start to come together again. Ever thought about family therapy?

    People can know, but never really understand. No one can completely understand what someone else is going through, but people can relate. Hopefully on SF you won't feel so isolated or detached because many people here can relate to you and how you are feeling.

    This, and the quote that I wrote above, is all very very typical of someone who has depression. It is so common with people who suffer depression. Have you been diagnosed with it? If not, will you consider going to the doctor? They can help you SO SO much.

    That's a GREAT dream, what have you done so far to help yourself achieve it?

    It sounds like you are looking at your dream as a whole.

    Let me ask you this. How do you eat an elephant? If I produced you an elephant on the fork you would probably run screaming from it, knowing you could never eat it all. But if I gave you just a tiny bit on a plate, you would eat it. Then another bit, etc. You would break the elephant down into bite size chunks to manage it. And achieving a dream is exactly the same thing. You can't EVER achieve the dream just like that, but if you break it down into little achieveable amounts, it can be done. For example, work out what your first step towards achieveing you dream could be, and then aim for that. It is something very small, and achievable.

    It's really good that you can recognise positive in yourself. You said before you had no talents or anything, but clearly you are academically talented. Don't put yourself down for that, LOADS of people would love to be as intelligent as you are. Try to celebrate that.

    Is this truly your opinion of it? Or did someone implant that idea in you? I only ask because I was like you academically, infact, almost the same, and it was because I thought that if I strived to achieve then maybe my parents might love me. Turns out that it doesn't matter what you achieve because really it is only how you feel. No one else does, or should, measure self worth against academic achievement. Everyone is worth a great deal, no matter what they achieve.

    This, again, is probably caused by the depression. Which is an illness, so try not to give yourself a hard time about this.

    Depression is an illness, you can't shake yourself out of diabetes, and the same thing applies to depression. The best way to get out of your depression is to go to your doctors. They will open a world of support for you and that is your best shot at getting better and getting the support that you need right now.

    Like I just said, the doctors is the best place to start. Thay can help you with meds and/or therapy. There is always something else to try to help yourself. Keep fighting for it.

    That doesn't mean that you are not special. It means that probably people take your good qualities for granted and don't appreciate you as they should.

    Everyone is special. Like I mentioned before, try and build your selfesteem and you will be able to see the good qualities in yourself. It could make the world of difference.

    Again, totally characteristic of depression.

    Keep trying. Keep trying to do anything that you think might help you in a positive way, keep fighting how you feel, get yourself some help and you will get there. It won't be quick, instant or easy, but it is totally manageable and achieveable.

    Take care of yourself and keep fighting.
     
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