i dont mean to hurt them by hurting myself

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Lilly, Apr 2, 2011.

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  1. Lilly

    Lilly Well-Known Member

    So obviously weve all established that not everyone will believe the age old exuses. "I fell" "Idk where it came from?" "my kitty plays with my arm"(thats mine and its working so far though)
    so the ones that figure out your lying...what do you do then? if THEY hurt because of it, what then?? i mean....idk what to do .... the fact that theyre hurting because of me just makes me want to cut even more...if that makes sense....not because i WANT to hurt them..but because i know that ive hurt them...im always hurting them...and its the only way i know how to make it...not...hurt...yu know?? but if THAT hurts them too and i just want to do it more still, then i must be like.....a bad person or something right? theres like..something wrong with me or something..because knowing that they hurt from this should make e want to to stop, not want to do it more, and harder, deeper.............
    its like....if i bleed on the outside then ...i wont bleed on the inside anymore...but i still do anyways, and its like im cutting them when i cut myself...
    my bf even hel out his arm to me once and said "if you want to cut something then cut me" but i dont think he gets it...im sure I even get it and its in MY head!
    like..what i mean is.idk.....i just dont want to hurt people anymore....but i dont want to hurt either..yu know?
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I know exactly what you mean and are facing. Kind of like how I feel about my kids and my SH and suicidal thoughts. I dont want to hurt them and I dont want to hurt. But I do it anyway because it seems to help me in some distorted way. Yet I know it hurts them. In turn it hurts me. So the vicisious circle continues with no end. I dont have any answers but here if you want to talk hun.
     
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