I don't need a fucking title

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lostbutnotfound, Jun 1, 2012.

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  1. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Just laid here, trying to sleep, and FINALLY realized my destiny, or rather.. realized to not be afraid of it. So.. take care all. Only a couple of people proved their weight in gold in the end of my journey on here, but those people are awesome, so thanks for everything, and I'm sorry for letting you down. There is LITERALLY no other way. Take care.
     
  2. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    You might not need a title, but are they not always so much fun to come up with? At least, they are for me.
    While I do not attempt trying to talk anyone out of anything they do, might I say at least, that it is only your 'destiny' if you give in to it and while you might let those people you spoke of down, you are letting yourself down even more by going through with it.
    Whatever your decision and actions, I wish you well and a safe journey on the road, wherever it may lead you.
     
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Decisions made in haste are normally not the best ones. I know you've struggled for quite a while, and while I wish I could take your pain away - I can't. But I can tell you I'm here when/if you need. You aren't letting anyone down. You have to be happy for you and I wish you could be. Let people, who care, in. :hug:
     
  4. Destiny you speak of. I wonder if all the good music is available there. Maybe tomorrow you wake up and let us know.
     
  5. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Okay.. so not that anyone will give a shit, but just got brought home by the police, with an appointment with the home treatment team for 10am (less than 5 hours time from now). Fucking HELL. I only got discharged from there the other day. I hate this. So fucking much. I hate that once again the calmness I felt, if only for an hour, has been ruined by stupid 'professionals' who don't really give a shit, but feel they are 'duty bound' to 'help'. Apparently I'm lucky I didn't end back up in hospital and the HTT will do a MHA on me when they come. Lucky, lucky me. =/
     
  6. Baldr

    Baldr Moderator Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through all this lostbutnotound :console: :(
     
  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I'm sorry. :hug:

    It is their job, yes, but many also truly care. Let them help you. Let yourself allowed to be help, accept it, work on it/yourself so you can find some peace.

    Here should you need/wish.
     
  8. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Until we can clear our eyes of the haze enough to realize that others really do care, we cannot find a way to care ourselves. Sometimes, our attempts to carry out the wrong actions only compound the situation and make it worse. Far better is it to make a plan for wellness and to pursue that with the same vigor and desire.
     
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Lost? are you still about to talk some more? :console:
     
  10. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Why the hell did the police pick you up :eek:hmy:

    Computer is dying every 15 minutes so can't msn at the mo, but am getting a new one in the week, so hang in there till I'm internet available again.
    Stay safe and don't make me come down there and beat your arse. :hug:
     
  11. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Yep still here, unfortunately. Sorry for this thread, I shouldn't have wrote it. It's won't solve anything, the only reason I did write it is because I genuinely thought it was the end for me. And pathetically, I'm SO disappointed that it wasn't. But hey. Shit happens. Just ignore me, it's fine.

    I hope everyone is well.
     
  12. Syn

    Syn Well-Known Member

    Don't apologize for this thread my friend, you may be disapointed that it wasn't the end for you, but I'm equally glad that it wasn't. Just based off this thread, I can tell your a great person, with a great heart, you feel horrible yet wish everyone else is well. Honestly, the world needs more people like you, not less... Even though I know you probably still feel horrible, I just want you to know that I'm glad your still alive.
     
  13. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni


    I echo Syn. Don't apologize... this is what the forum is for, right?
    I think the best news here is that you thought it was the end and it was not. That is a big achievement and a good thing. I love hearing that. I consider what you just said a form of success. Keep having many successes. Life is worth living regardless what the moment sometimes tells us.
     
  14. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    silly billy!

    Hang in there, hopefully will get new laptop wed or thursday....fingers crossed.
    Am waiting on some advice as to what one to get and the git hasn't been online......typical!
     
  15. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your replies, but trust me pickwithaustin, this is not positive. The fact that the only reason I am alive right now is because I got caught by police and am now under extreme surveillance is not positive. The fact that I am ridiculously close to being put back in hospital because I'm such a fucking freak is not positive. The fact that I DO realize that the other night was not the end for me, but merely because I was found and am now on a knifes edge.. is not positive. But thank you.

    Syn and Terry, thank you both. I hope you're both well. Hugs.
     
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