Yeah I dont need help, my so called problems are helping me. Guess its good that i'm paranoid, that i didnt believe you. You didnt love me, how could you fucking say that. You love her. Jup, my thoughts were right, will listen to them now See I dont need help, my 'problems' are helping me. Hooray for paranoia, and that has become worser Which made my drinking and selfharming worser And I guess its the same for the SH, the H of SH doesnt stand for harm but for help. Ghehe, lmao, how ironic. Just decided that i dont need help, comes my mother in my room. Telling me she's gonna make an appointment with a doc. I dont want other people to know all of this about me But how I am right now, makes my parents unhappy, so I couldnt say no. So now I have 'help', god damn, now people will see me as that girl with sh or something. I just dont want people to know this, people will laugh and talk about me behind my back. I should have smile more, i should have watched out with the scars, I should have been more like other people of my age. They even think I throw up, they are right, but how can they know. But I wont let them take that away, have to be carefull. Everything is falling apart Feeling so ashamed Cant look my parents in the eyes Want to lock, hide myself, run away I wanna die... Why do they love me, love should be forbidden, would make everything so much easier. So much easier to leave this place, without people getting hurt. Sorry if all of this didnt make sence, the rambling, crappy english etc..