I don't need to be alive.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SomeoneElse, Dec 14, 2010.

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  1. SomeoneElse

    SomeoneElse Well-Known Member

    I'm new, as you can probably see. I'm not going to post my name, as I'd prefer to not be findable on Google and the such.

    Anyway, I'm only 18, but I've already been through more shit than I care for. I was born with a deformity, which could well have been treated, were it not for the incompetence of my parents. So now I have to live as an outcast. I can't go outside anymore. I can't look at myself in the mirror with a straight face either. I'm physically able to work, but I can't, 'cause being around other people is just Hell.

    I've been told that there's no chance for surgery now unless i can cough up tens of thousands of pounds. Money which I don't, and won't ever have.

    I can't say I have no friends. I actually have a fair few good mates who I talk to often, but I've not gone out with any of them for over 6 months now. They've also not been 100% supportive, which doesn't make things any easier. I simply sit at home now and wonder why the hell I'm still alive. I've been comtemplating suicide for over 2 years, but I've only recently started planning it out. If everything goes smoothly, which it is doing so far, then I'll have the means to end this sad mistake of a life by the end of the year.

    Anyway, I suppose I have to end with a question... What the fuck's the point?

    Even as a normal person, I'd just be another person with a meaningless life, in a meaningless world. Being in this state just makes things that much worse.
     
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    wanted to say welcome. sorry your life has been so difficult. you are really strong to have survived so much. can you reach out to your friends and let them know how low you've been feeling? are you receiving any counseling? professional help might help turn things around for you. again, welcome.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi glad your here venting posting it helps Lots of people lead meaningful lifes with disabilities You just need help to see that
     
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    Genesis 1:26 "Then God said, now We will make human beings, they will be like us and resemble us, they will have power over the fish, the birds and all animals, domestic and wild"

    Psalms 139:14 'I will praise for i am fearfully and wonderfully made, marvelous are Thy works and that my soul knoweth right well.
     
  5. SomeoneElse

    SomeoneElse Well-Known Member

    No offense, but I'm an Atheist. Also, no, I'm not recieving any counselling. I've seen doctors over both the physical and mental issues, but they've just passed me off. I'm not going to live my life taking pills either.
     
  6. luka

    luka Active Member

    someoneElse

    thank you for sharing your story with us, first of all it showed me what kind of a person you are, i think your a warrior in life and a champion

    despite all your "setbacks" in life, your still here, your a fighter and not a quiter

    what your experiencing is called Life, i didnt grow up with a deformity but i grew up homeless and on the streets, it taught me so many things in life, it made me the man i am today

    all these obstacles in your life, theyre challeneges for you, for you to become stronger, everytime you overcome a challenge, everytime you get back up when your knocked down,everytime you pick yourself up, your growing as a person and a human being

    yes you may have a deformity but it was your choice to become anti social, your friends are supporting you, you also need to show them your commited aswell, its a two way street

    you make your own destiny, i want you to try something, tomorrow when you wake up, walk outside your house, smell the fresh air and think about what your life could be and not what your life have been.

    your a strong person, go out there and prove everyone wrong, no-one should tell you what you can and cannot do, those doctors that have "passed" you, tell them to go f*ck themselves because they are only limiting your abilities, your a f*cking champion man, trust me

    i hope i had a impact on you, everyone here are supporting you

    life your life without regrets

    -luka
     
  7. SomeoneElse

    SomeoneElse Well-Known Member

    I'm in no way any of those. I don't keep living because I want to. It's because I have to. If I could end it now, I would, without second thought.
     
  8. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    It is the pain you wish to leave, not your life, hang around, make some posts, listen a little maybe. Look inside lots.
    Am around if you want to talk Regards Pete
     
  9. SomeoneElse

    SomeoneElse Well-Known Member

    Yes... Pain which can't ever go away. I only have one decent option.
     
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    To face the pain to deal with the pain to learn to cope with it so it becomes less and less each day. To move on from the pain and go on to live a peaceful life get therapy okay it helps it does.
     
  11. SomeoneElse

    SomeoneElse Well-Known Member

    I don't want therapy. I want to die, and that's exactly what I'll do.
     
  12. SomeoneElse

    SomeoneElse Well-Known Member

    I actually went outside on my own... I had to go into town to the job centre to deal with my job seeker's claim. It was honestly the worst thing I could think of. Saw 3 people I've known for about 5 years on the bus. They completely ignored me, and acted as if I didn't even exist. Marvelous.
     
  13. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You should be proud of yourself you did real good to handle all that. The people that ignored you well they are not worth talking too then.
     
  14. SomeoneElse

    SomeoneElse Well-Known Member

    Some questions guys, for when I decide it's time. Should be in 3 or so weeks. Maybe sooner if I get some money in my pocket.

    I don't have access to many things, but I can buy Vodka, or any other liquor in excess. Just curious as to how much would actually be lethal to a man. I've searched quite a lot, but I haven't found any decent sources.

    I was thinking a fifth in a very small time-frame, but it might not be enough.

    Probably weird to read, sorry.
     
  15. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you will only cause you more pain damage your kidneys liver The best thing to do is to call crisis and get some help okay Do it now start healing now don't wait any longer You deserve to be happy so please call for help now
     
  16. SomeoneElse

    SomeoneElse Well-Known Member

    No no no. If I fail first time 'round, I'll go for a second time. I can either die outright or destroy my liver and brain. I don't care which.

    There is no getting better. The problem that caused all of this can't be fixed. With it still there, there's nothing that can be done.
     
  17. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    there is always something to be done with help you can maybe not fix things but learn to cope okay get help now
     
  18. SomeoneElse

    SomeoneElse Well-Known Member

    Yes... Learn to cope. One fucking hell of a strong learning curve. Taken what? 10 or more years to go nowhere but backwards.
     
  19. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    backwards can only go so far that way you can reverse youcan turn you around if you want too it is possible
     
  20. SomeoneElse

    SomeoneElse Well-Known Member

    You always seem to have a refutal for everything I say. Your optimism intrigues me, but my mind's set.
     
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