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I dont no why

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cant_go_on

#1
i have been feeling suicidal for some time now. well i have this friend that would always talk to me and would always make me feel somewhat better. she knew that i was having problems and she knew that i was cutting and stuff. well a couple weeks ago, i told her that i was thinking about suicide and she got all pissed off at me and said that i should just grow up and get over myself. now she wont even talk to me whatsoever. i have tried talking to her, but she just ignores me. im so done with this stuff. im tired of living. i give up
 

claycad

Well-Known Member
#2
People who have never had suicidal thoughts can't have any idea what we go through. They think we are just using it for attention. I wouldn't blame your friend, she just doesn't understand. If you ever get a chance to talk to her again, I would explain that you aren't using suicide for attention that you just want help coping.

I would also try talking to a therapist or school counselor, anyone that is worth a shit will understand how to help you.
 

BelovedDreamer

Well-Known Member
#3
what claycad said is very true, sad, and frustrating. it's hard. it's really hard. People who have never felt that steady thumping unending rollcall of suicidal thoughts just don't get it. It's not something people can fathom or truly empathize with if they've never been there. Not to be overly dramatic or ridiculous or anything, but I tend to think of it sort of like how a sighted person cannot and never will be able to understand what it is to be blind. The idea, to the average individual, of actually wanting to die is something near unfathomable. The human survival instinct is ridiculously strong...even when we don't want it anymore. Most Western societies inculcate us from a very young age to believe that suicide is wrong. Or to feel that it is inherently selfish and cowardly.
I've been there. Had people I care about, who care about me, turn their faces away when faced with the topic of suicide. It seems cruel and utterly unfair, but it takes time and a great deal of patience on your part before some people, even very good and compassionate people, can even begin to understand. People often feel hurt and frightened and react badly. Their first instinct is often to feel injured and offended, because being told that you want to die makes them feel as if you are telling them that they have failed. Suicide, even thoughts of suicide, can feel like the most painful sort of reprimand. Because it is an indication of such deep unhappiness, an unfathomable void that they, as your loved one have failed to fill. It hurts them. It is not your fault for carrying that void nor theirs really for being angry that they cannot fill it. They react as they do out of fear and frustration and backward indoctrination, and they react so because they love you.
If she still refuses to speak to you, it might be helpful to sit down and take some time and write a letter. Even if it is just an opening to try to get her to sit down and talk. Try to explain what you're feeling. Explain that the impulses aren't some sort of hoax you've taken on to deliberately and cruelly manipulate her. She may feel like you are just trying to get attention like a four year old. Often attention is, in a way, a big part of what we cutters or suicides are looking for. Not attention for attentions sake, but to be seen when we cannot shake off the feeling of invisibility, maybe to be saved, maybe to get the chance to say goodbye, or maybe to know that you are not the only one who knows. Sometimes just knowing someone else knows can help you go on. Thats one of the reason this site helps some people. Unfortunately, people who haven't even been down the road of suicide aren't always ready or able to help with the burden. It scares them and they run. It takes an unusually strong and compassionate person to bear upon beneath it and stand their ground. And I've babbled on here for a awhile, but essentially, I can empathize and can only say, don't blame your friend, don't blame yourself and just try to hold on.
 
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NoMotiv

Active Member
#4
You cant blame her for getting pissed off tho, you have probably scared her. And you would hurt her a lot by suiciding, I think its natural for her to get angry, especially if she has trouble understanding what being suicidal entails.

But you can talk to us here, we wont judge you and most of us are either going or have gone through what you are going through, or atleast understand it.
 
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