I don't know how people do it, going around all days being happy, looking forward to wake up and just...I don't know. When I'm sitting reading some stupid schoolbook or something and all I can think is; "Why can't I just kill myself?" I starts to wonder if I ever will find that strange inside of me to do it, I so badly want to, this pain is just to horrible and I can’t even describe it. The only times I didn’t feel it and when I felt so incredible relieved were when I took a razor and dragged it over my wrist, but I stopped that and now I can’t find a way to feel that way again. Why can’t I just find the courage to end it all?