I am a 21 year old female. I believe I have no reason to be 'depressed' (I am sceptical towards the concept), people praise me constantly, and say I should be happy because of all these attributes I possess. However, I have had a lingering negative force in my head for just under a year now. Constant feelings of worthlessness, helplessness,low moods, constant numbness (feeling 'dead' inside) and a volatile relationship with food. I have managed to hide this for a while by pre-occupying myself with everything such as university work, exercise and working. However recently the 'bad' has somehow decided to challenge my best efforts of harbouring the thoughts I have mentioned and I have found myself in cycles of apathy, crying to myself for no reason, not leaving the house for days being bed bound. I have tried to push these feelings away. I have not discussed these feelings with anybody, my mum makes comments of depressed people being 'weak' and I too have adopted that philosophy, and I am ashamed and disgusted with myself that I cannot pull it together. Recently all this has intensified by me developing suicidal thoughts. I fantasise about dying, but I don't want to die. I can logically see suicide is not the answer and I do not want to hurt those around me. But I cannot handle this terrible stigmatic feeling in my mind, feeling those feelings, having a little voice tell me that I should do it. I do not want to go to the doctor. I do not want to take drugs. I feel like I'm limited to ending this internal pain by just quietly phasing myself away from life and have found myself researching suicide, and even mentally 'planning' my death. I feel like I don't know what to do.