I dont reall know what to do

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by normaljoe, Feb 14, 2016.

  1. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    So i have been with my curret gf for a year now, a good portion of it long distance due to my school. I am trying to transfer back to her state this may. But from the time we have been together, she isnt really all that affectionate. She loves to spend quality time together ie going places and doing things but not verbally affirming or even open with her emotions. I try but she insists this is not her kind of love language. What i dont understand is why the effort to test a new love language is so hard? (For being male, i am very open with my emotions prob from all the counseling lol) i want this to work and i know that if i let my anxiety or depression get the best of me i can come off as emotionally needy (have done a good job of regulating it). So i also want to avoid that. But she wont even talk about what happens if i dont get accepted to a college back in her state. Idk i cant help but feel emotionally neglected. For being in a long distance there isnt much u can do but she didnt give a second thought to our 1 year, she seems to refuse to acknowledge valentines day despite my efforts to be sweet. On the other hand she talks to her coworkers about me (positive way from what im told :p ) so yea also going back to her state would also mean i incur a huge burden of housing and employment and full time school. Where as the state i am in, i loathe because my family lives here as well (horrid family relationships, former abuse, toxic environment) and there are no jobs or future here for me. I am not really sure what to do.


    Feel motionally neglected by long distance gf, may be just my depression. Trying to tranfer back to her home state for school but comes with heavy financial burden. Cant stay in this state cause of toxic family.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    LDR can be such hard work. I am currently in one. It does come with doubts and self-consciousness. And I imagine it's an extra strain if the other isn't as affectionate. I find it helps a lot to confirm ones affections to the other.

    But it can be worth it too.

    I was like your girlfriend in the beginning. my 'excuse' is that I'm damaged... I don't know about your girlfriend.
    I had to work hard to get into that new 'language'. I 'faked' it a bit to start with (I never faked my love for him though). It felt so weird to display affection and emotions like that... and it's taken a long while to get used to. I still sometimes have to think "Oh, I think I should probably send him an email or something and tell him I love him... that's what girlfriends are supposed to do". It doesn't mean I don't feel it.

    I really hope everything works out for you two. You sound like a great boyfriend to her. You're fighting for your relationship and that's so important.

    Your depression can play into this as well, as you said. Depression sometimes makes us blind to the efforts of others and dismisses it. Sadly.

    Hang in there!