I don't really know the point of this thread. I'll just see what i end up typing.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Lyshaaa, Jun 6, 2007.

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  1. Lyshaaa

    Lyshaaa Member

    When i was eight i got raped by a man i didn't know...
    and now i'm 15. I didn't tell anybody until this year.I had enough stuff for people to judge me on, i didn't need this adding to people's sympathetic looks and such...I've always been really cautious...i don't think that's the right word, scared maybe? about relationships with boys. Cause well yeah.
    And last summer i started liking this boy and he got me really drunk, and apperantly had sex with me when i was passed out and puking on his bed.
    I was 14 he was 16. I made a stupid choice, my fault what ever. I blame my own stupidity for trusting a boy.
    Now i'm dating his bestfriend. And he's really good to me, but the last girl he dated is a really big...skank really. He constantly says he'll wait and stuff. He knows i'm not comfortable doing sexual things, and he knows i have trust issues, and he knows i did something with his bestfriend last summer, he just has no idea what. Or why. or anything. I just, i don't know when to tell him about what happened, both things, because he deserves to know right ?
     
  2. cassandra

    cassandra Anitiquities Friend

    From my experience it's helpful if partners know about abuse before the relationship becomes intimate, although you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. A therapist would probably be really helpful

    Since this guy is willing to wait until you're comfortable w/ further intimacy, if you don't want to talk about it yet you don't have to. If he weren't willing to wait, he'd probably be the wrong guy anyway, although I know from experience that can be difficult to believe :smile:.
     
  3. Lyshaaa

    Lyshaaa Member

    Well i have a therapist, but he's not for this, he's a grievence counselor, and i don't want my family to find out about all this stuff. =[
    And thank you. =] I'm really lucky that he'll wait.
     
  4. jcat

    jcat Staff Alumni

    if you do not feel comfortable talking to him about it.don't. wait til you feel ok and then talkto him about it. if the time never comes, then so be it. but, make sure you keep yourself safe and comfortable. that is what matters. this is coming from a guy.
     
  5. cassandra

    cassandra Anitiquities Friend

    I'm sorry you're having to see someone about grief, but they might be able to help you with the abuse too. Your family doesn't ever have to know, nor does anyone else 'deserve' to. The reason I found it helpful to mention it to a potential partner was because for me intimacy sometimes upset me or reminded me of what had happened to me.

    Please remember that there's no reason to be ashamed. *You* did nothing wrong. The guys who took advantage of you when you were a child or under the influence did. What they did was not only morally wrong, but criminal...it's illegal in most places to have sex with someone who is not able to consent because they've had too much alcohol or other substances.

    Please keep well & stay safe.
     
  6. underdosed

    underdosed Guest

    you should DEFINITLY tell him before you have sex. my friend had a really good point, she said: "if you cant tell him about your past sex/assault, you arent really read to have sex with him." i think it makes sense. plus, i speak from experience. i was really ashamed my abusive ex and other assults and i wanted to prove to myself that i was fine and i didnt care. so i had a GREAT boyfriend and he was so supportive when i didnt want to have sex yet but i didnt tell him about my past. so 7 months into the relationship, we had sex. i made the mistake of letting him be on top and i freaked out, threw him off (which was amazing, really, since he was twice my size) and started hysterically crying. i locked myself in the bathroom for two hours while i cut really badly. he eventually broke the door down cuz he was worried. after getting me stitches, we had a really long talk and we decided to put off sex for another year or so. i wish i had just told him.
     
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