All my life, I've been kind of depressed. An abusive family, raised very poor, the whole 9 yards you'd typically see in some LifeTime movie.. About a year ago I finally escaped to Washington (From Florida) and was miserable for about a month or so, but I slowly got better, and got happy. I then was talked into moving back down here from a family member (I don't know why... I was ignorant, and wanted attention, maybe? I thought things has changed.) but now I'm back to my own ways... I snap at things I shouldn't snap it - I'm trying to help my mom get out of debt, so I'm resuming college, and helping her financially with my grant, and charging all of my credit cards up. We're still very poor, I have no job, nor transportation. I've put out hundreds of apps, and gotten lots of calls, but I have no way to get to the buildings. I can't even manage to make it on bike to the interview (We're talking fifty miles).. now I see here every night feeling like crap, and talking to my friends acting normal. But it really isn't normal.. I don't know what to do - Killing myself would be fine, I'm willing to accept eternal damnation, if I just never feel this pain anymore. Physical pain is fine, emotional pain kills me... But my mother, and friends, would be way too hurt if I left. I'm trying to stay here just for them, but I'm only delaying a time-bomb. I'm happy here with my mom, but with us just getting further, and further in debt - And my credit getting murdered in a couple weeks (All my cards will be cap'd, so I can't use one to pay off the other) I don't know what to do. Eventually we will get evicted.... I don't know why I'm posting here, noone can really help me. Maybe I just want insight, or maybe attention? Who knows. Sorry for being hypocritical, heh. Edit: Sorry, I see a lot of UK users - Was I not allowed to post here? I'm sorry if so.