I don't really want to die, I just want happiness

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by thejayway, Feb 2, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. thejayway

    thejayway New Member

    Hi all,
    I'm new here. I'm 36 years old and have been depressed since I was about 13years old. We've all got a sob story of woes to tell so i won't bore you with mine.

    I've kept my suicidal thoughts pretty well in check for sometime but they've come back with a vengeance recently. I just wish a doctor would tell me I have brain tumour or something and that I will die anyway, at least it's natural then.

    But the point of my post is this: Suicide seems a logical answer to a very long standing situation but the fact remains I've managed to hold on despite numerous attempts and half-hearted attempts too. I'm trying to remind myself that actually I just want to somehow have a 'normal' level of happiness from when I get out of bed in the morning rather than staring about 10 rungs below normal and having to constantly fight my way up if I can.

    I've joined this site because I ned some support in being reminded that there can be some hope because the way I'm feeling right now the urge to try suicide again is overwhelming.:cry2:
  2. cheesewhiz

    cheesewhiz Member

    Hi and welcome. I just joined because I feel the same way. Not very talkative right now, but being here helps.
  3. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    :welcome: Hope you find the support you need here :hug:
  4. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Hi :) I'm glad you have found SF as it is a great support system for so many. Like you have said, you have held on, and because you have i know you can get through this too. I hope we can help ease your pain and if you need anything at all don't hesitate to shoot me a PM anytime.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Jay there is hope you just cannot see it for the depression at times. Have you tried talking to your doc about getting on newer meds for depression Are you getting therapy it helps to talk to someone. Lots of support here and no one judges hope you can continue to post okay vent let your thoughts out it helps hugs
  6. blackheart

    blackheart New Member

    I randomly stumbled across this site after googling suicide methods. Seriously, everything you said is exactly how I feel. I lost my job, home and boyfriend within 2 weeks. I've been depressed since I was 15. Some days it hurts so bad I want to stop breathing. But deep down I'm scared to die. I just want to live my life and not feel so alone. I'm extremely heartbroken and scared. I've done everything to find a job. I don't want to be homeless. And I hate being alone. I don't want to bother a friend because they don't know what to say. I'm lost. I physically hurt, my heart hurts, I can't sleep, I feel terrible.
  7. Welcome, Jay. (I'm new here too.) It's good to see you--even virtually.

    What would help with that reminder? (I ask mostly because I'm never sure how to predict what helps with me: sometimes the messages of hope that others give makes me feel all the more alienated and alone. I don't understand myself sometimes, though.)

    And I rarely find anyone's stories boring, so if you do feel like sharing sometime, I'd love to listen. Again, though, welcome. I do hope you'll find a home here.
  8. black orchid

    black orchid Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome to SF, i hope you find all the support you are looking for here.

    Look forward to seeing you around x :)
  9. alleykatkate

    alleykatkate New Member

    Welcome, Jay. I hope you find the support you need here. :smile:
    I know how it feels to just be "holding on", Ready to slip at any second but trying to hold yourself up. Never forget that you mean something to somebody out there.
  10. Ravenwing

    Ravenwing Well-Known Member

    Hello there, and welcome to SF. Good to have you here.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.