i don't remember

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by SweetSurrender, Apr 10, 2009.

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  1. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    My mood has lifted at random....it does that, and it is crazily annoying! No pun intended! :rolleyes: Anyway, it is so annoying because when i switch out of the depression, i can't really remember what it is like to be depressed. I know that i was very depressed because i had suicidal thoughts, and was self-medicating and cutting which i don't do in my ok phases, plus i keep a diary etc. But i don't really 'remember' the depression, i very much live in the mood of the moment - sounds strange but i do literally forget! But all this is digressing from the point of the post....now i'm fine and want to do normal things like wear a nice top or a pretty dress or something so i'm annoyed at the depressed me because i have horrid scars over my forearm and i can't. Actually i should really track my moods by my arms, seeing as the cuts are not all healed yet i'm assuming i was depressed not long ago. Anyway, i forget the point of this post - just wanted to get my annoyance out there maybe....i think if my mood can wipe the slate clean (so to speak!) then my body should too, otherwise it isn't really fair is it?!! :dry::rolleyes:
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I think it's positive that you can't remember the depressed feeling, although I imagine when you are depressed you can't remember what it's like to feel better?

    Maybe you could write to yourself now, whilst you feel good, to help yourself remember when you feel bad, what it felt like to feel good.

    It must be very disconcerting to know in your head that you felt something before, but can't remember it. I like in the present in some ways too, and I find it quite hard a lot of the time.

    I hope your arms heal soon and also that you good mood stays :)
  3. Buggsy2008

    Buggsy2008 Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel. When im depressed i cant remember happiness, and when im happy i cant remember depression. its wierd.

    Hope you stay this way :D
  4. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    Absolutely Scum, it is a positive thing that i don't remember the depression, i wouldn't want to remember the pain! But it is hard because i have to try and reconstruct my life that has been on pause for the last 6months. It is hard to keep stopping and starting all the time. But i'm glad it does start again!! You're right though, i never remember this when i'm depressed - the curse of depression!

    That is a good idea to write when i'm good too, i always try to but i'm usually too busy living life to bother. Plus there isn't much to say, my life is very uneventful, i guess i could write that i see the sun, and yesterday actually appreciated the daffodils that are out for the first time.

    It is wierd not remembering. Can almost be a bit of a shock when i 'wake up' and have to survey the damage to see what can be rectified and what is beyond repair.
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