I don't see a happy future for myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sadhart, Oct 8, 2011.

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  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I am tired of living and hurting. I am tired of my stupid toxic family. They feel like I'm such a burden to them, and I am, because I don't have a job, or a car, or my own place, or a god damn reason to live, but they have no idea how much of a burden they are to me. They are a bunch of stupid hypocrites who never practice what they preach. I don't sit around all day doing nothing, and I try to make efforts to move forward despite any limitations. But it doesn't matter.

    Yesterday I got a call from someone who may hire me for a job, but my aunt didn't give me the message right away. Instead she starts her usual nagging about how it's her phone and why people call on "her phone" The fuck else am I supposed to get phone messages from people?! I live there too! It's funny when I have money on my own how she'll want money and not for bills, it's for her hair or her nails and still has the never to tell me what to do with "my money"

    And yes, if I could move and get the hell away from her and the rest of these people called my family I would but that is not a feasible option at the moment. And it's not just them, it's my own damn standards in life. I see no hop or future. I was so upset at my aunt yesterday I felt the side of my neck tightening and I was hoping I would stroke or something right then and there. I don't have the courage to take my own life....another reason why I hate myself cause I'm such a coward. Anyway, I'm rambling and I know this sounds selfish so I'm sorry, but I hate my life and I hate living.
  2. Dan_Dan_07

    Dan_Dan_07 New Member

    Hi, I can relate to the situation you're in. (I spent a large amount of time in a corrupt children's home & a corrupt, adult care home, as well as putting up with a great deal of **** from my Dad & and his girlfriend before I was made to live in these places)

    The best advice I can give you is to basically buckle down, continue to try and gain employment, and to try you hardest not to get emotionally attached to the BS situations you have to go through. I feel you should be exhaustively trying to move out whilst making life currently as pleasant as possible (without doing anything that could/would mess your future up e.g. drugs). You will escape eventually if you continue trying!

    Try your hardest to think differently. You're getting lectured again? Think to yourself that it is wrong but you know you'll be able to escape eventually and for the time being you mustn't let it get to you as it will lead to you feeling negative. Then try to calmly diffuse the situation - perhaps this will mean a lot of false apologies, phoney "you are right"s and submissive postures, but it will be for the greater good. The bad effect of getting emotionally attached normally far outweigh the effects brought on by daydreaming during the time spent diffusing the situation.

    Please don't hate me for saying this however, but you have not posted enough about your family for me to say whether they deserve to be viewed too negatively. For example, I know some parents can say things that can appear nasty but they do so with positive intentions. Even so though, if they are doing your head in that much then perhaps you should take my advice. You really need to look after your health, both mental and psychical.

    You should stop insulting yourself also! A "coward"? What you described is nothing to feel like a coward over. You don't have a car and some other things - you are in the same position as many! I do not have a car and a job ATM, there are many people in your situation. Like I said about you moving out and getting a job, you will get these things if you continue to try!

    Other points:

    Have you definitely not got someone else who can take calls for you?

    Perhaps you could ask to be contacted through email instead?

    Maybe the situation could be resolved through a peaceful meeting between yourself and the rest of your family? You could calmly try to make them understand how you feel. (Again, please don't hate me)
  3. crist

    crist Member

    I can relate to it. I feel useless. and right now i just want to move out and im not even employed, nor have somewhere to stay.
    Its the worst feeling, if you need to talk, im here.. sometimes i need to vent and speak out all that anger that i feel. God bless you.
  4. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    To Dan Dan, no, I do not hate you and I understand what you are saying. This is not people trying to help as much s it's about people thinking they are helping. The people I have to deal with are one sided hypocrites who pretty much think my life revolves around them. I have to put up with their stupid crap and tip toe around their fragile egos.

    My mother did something this past summer that was completely out of line and if it wasn't then I wouldn't be sitting here typing this if she were in the right. I am not saying these people are evil, but I am sick of their bullshit. They act like they did and so everything right and don't have their own dumbass ways. I know they are not here to defend themselves, but I am not exxagerating this stuff.

    But again, I know I haven't been good at going into detail with my problems here yet (because it is not easy trying to explain this out of fear of being biased or unfair even if this pain in my heart is because of the words and actions of those same people) so I understand what you said and I don't hate you. Thanks.

    To crist, thank you, it is nice to know I am not alone. I appreciate what you said as well.

    Sorry I am not good at showing more appreciation to everyone's feedback.
  5. VivaHate

    VivaHate Member

    Dont Panic, And Listen To 'The Smiths'.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Sadhart,

    I truly know how you feel. I was there in your position not too long ago, I moved in with my boyfriend...but still I still feel sad. How do you know if you had your own independence that it would truly make you happy? Hopefully it would, but it's something to think about.
    I'm always about if you need someone to talk to xXx
  7. Jackie's Strength

    Jackie's Strength Staff Alumni

    I just wanted to say that I can relate. I honestly think that Dan's advice is wise. It's similar to the advice that my therapist gave me with regards to dealing with my home situation, which can be troublesome at times. Best of luck with everything, to you, and to everyone else in a similar situation.
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