I don't see any other solution

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by KarmaBaby, Dec 14, 2008.

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  1. KarmaBaby

    KarmaBaby New Member

    If I have to make a choice between having no home and taking my own life I'm not sure what I will do. I though I was a clever guy but I have many regrets and made some terrible life decision which has lead me into severe debt and loneliness.

    It started about 5 years ago when my ex-fiance left me for another man and since then I don't think I've ever been myself. I was depressed and left an excellent career to persue a silly dream that never materialised. This meant that I was always walking a financial tight-rope which I recently fell off and the dream is over. I have no money and no job and no one I can rely on to help me. I have enough to pay the rent until the new year and then I am finished.

    Last year I met someone who was very good for me but I messed things up and 6 months ago she gave up on me which was totally understandable because I was impossible to be around. I was in therapy for anger issues for 8 months which was no help to me whatsoever. I went through two therapists having sessions on a weekly basis. I never really got much better and sometimes I got a whole lot worse. I'm not a violent person and I'd never raise my hand to anyone even at my highest flashpoint, but when left alone I take things out on myself. I never forgive myself for my mistakes, I hold on to all of them. I've never been able to figure out the exact reason why but I'd imagine it has a lot to do with my childhood which wasn't a happy one.

    I've been looking for other work for 6 months now and it's hopeless. I have a 3 year gap in my employment history which despite having qualifications and years of experioence seems enough for any employer to turn their nose up at me. I tried to go on the dole but I don't qualify because I've hardly paid any prsi in 3 years even though I paid tax every week for 10 years previous to that. So while immigrants qualify for social housing and get free cars, I will soon be forced to live in my car which I bought with my own money.

    I am well aware of the gravity of my situation and I haven't taken it lying down. As well as looking for work and applying for jobs almost every day I've tried to widen my social circle but it's all hopeless. I try harder than anyone I know but I never break the cycle. I always end up in the same place. Some people are just born desperately unlucky and I think I'm one of those people. I seem destined to fail regardless of effort.

    Recently I started to think about taking my own life. I know that it would hurt some people I know very badly which is the only reason I'm still alive but of the pople I will hurt they have either given up on helping me or the simply can't help me. Knowing I will hurt people isn't enough anymore. I don't relaly want to kill myself but I want my life to end.

    I'm in an impossible situation. I'm in severe debt, I have no job. I'm unemplyable and I have no close friends or family I can lean on. What exactly is a better alternative to suicide?

    I spoke to the samaritans but they are just no help to me. I need practical solutions and no one has ever been able to provide me with one.
  2. KirstyMissJimBob

    KirstyMissJimBob Well-Known Member

    Hun i dont know wat to say, but *hugs* im here if u wanna talk my msn is displayed below.
    I hope everything gets better real soon xoxo
  3. Tyedye

    Tyedye New Member

    Things happen in life. Your can be strong enough to let them pass. You can always change your environment. It is never easy, but hey, who said life would be simple. Hang in there... Treat yourself to something nice.
  4. KarmaBaby

    KarmaBaby New Member

    How long to wait to let things pass? How does someone with no money and no friends change his environment or treat himself to something nice?
  5. Raphael1

    Raphael1 Well-Known Member

    You sound like another international banker causality. Welcome to the club. Life after death will be balanced. You can't get a job because jobs in themself are designed to waste our time and bureaucratically we don't qualify for enslavement. There is many like you and me that will probably take their life this new year because materialism was a bigger concern than what was humane. Resources were stolen and society was insane. So we died.

    I feel for you brother, We will get our revenge.
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