If I have to make a choice between having no home and taking my own life I'm not sure what I will do. I though I was a clever guy but I have many regrets and made some terrible life decision which has lead me into severe debt and loneliness. It started about 5 years ago when my ex-fiance left me for another man and since then I don't think I've ever been myself. I was depressed and left an excellent career to persue a silly dream that never materialised. This meant that I was always walking a financial tight-rope which I recently fell off and the dream is over. I have no money and no job and no one I can rely on to help me. I have enough to pay the rent until the new year and then I am finished. Last year I met someone who was very good for me but I messed things up and 6 months ago she gave up on me which was totally understandable because I was impossible to be around. I was in therapy for anger issues for 8 months which was no help to me whatsoever. I went through two therapists having sessions on a weekly basis. I never really got much better and sometimes I got a whole lot worse. I'm not a violent person and I'd never raise my hand to anyone even at my highest flashpoint, but when left alone I take things out on myself. I never forgive myself for my mistakes, I hold on to all of them. I've never been able to figure out the exact reason why but I'd imagine it has a lot to do with my childhood which wasn't a happy one. I've been looking for other work for 6 months now and it's hopeless. I have a 3 year gap in my employment history which despite having qualifications and years of experioence seems enough for any employer to turn their nose up at me. I tried to go on the dole but I don't qualify because I've hardly paid any prsi in 3 years even though I paid tax every week for 10 years previous to that. So while immigrants qualify for social housing and get free cars, I will soon be forced to live in my car which I bought with my own money. I am well aware of the gravity of my situation and I haven't taken it lying down. As well as looking for work and applying for jobs almost every day I've tried to widen my social circle but it's all hopeless. I try harder than anyone I know but I never break the cycle. I always end up in the same place. Some people are just born desperately unlucky and I think I'm one of those people. I seem destined to fail regardless of effort. Recently I started to think about taking my own life. I know that it would hurt some people I know very badly which is the only reason I'm still alive but of the pople I will hurt they have either given up on helping me or the simply can't help me. Knowing I will hurt people isn't enough anymore. I don't relaly want to kill myself but I want my life to end. I'm in an impossible situation. I'm in severe debt, I have no job. I'm unemplyable and I have no close friends or family I can lean on. What exactly is a better alternative to suicide? I spoke to the samaritans but they are just no help to me. I need practical solutions and no one has ever been able to provide me with one.