I'm only eighteen and I have absolutely no interest in living anymore. I've been diagnosed with depression only this year, but I've been living with these feelings for around 5 years if not more. At first, I was depressed mostly due to dissatisfaction with the way I looked, however now, I've grown to be okay with the way I look, and oftentimes I even catch myself thinking I'm extremely pretty. I have pretty much everything going for me. I just finished school which I loved quite a lot, I'm pretty sure I nailed my exams, I've always known what I wanted to do later in life, I have parents and siblings that love me and would do anything for me, I have friends and acquaintances that appreciate me, yet I have absolutely no interest in living. I don't find anything exciting, I don't want to go to university, I don't want to do anything at all. I know that maybe in the future things will get better and I will find love, and have a job that I love, and I'll be successful as I've always been (Even while depressed I was still effortlessly at the top of my class and managed to do and get everything I wanted without even trying too hard), but that idea doesn't comfort me, it makes me quite anxious, actually. I find the idea that it will all get better very abhorrent. The only thing that calms me down nowadays is the thought that I will continue living life just so I wouldn't make others sad, I will marry whoever, I will have kids and a boring job, and that my life will be boring and I'll eventually die. My future seems blank, and deep down, I kind of want it to be that, because the only thing I can look forward to is that at the end of it all I will just die.