I don't see life as worth living

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by I.vy, May 24, 2016.

  1. I.vy

    I.vy New Member

    I'm only eighteen and I have absolutely no interest in living anymore. I've been diagnosed with depression only this year, but I've been living with these feelings for around 5 years if not more. At first, I was depressed mostly due to dissatisfaction with the way I looked, however now, I've grown to be okay with the way I look, and oftentimes I even catch myself thinking I'm extremely pretty.
    I have pretty much everything going for me. I just finished school which I loved quite a lot, I'm pretty sure I nailed my exams, I've always known what I wanted to do later in life, I have parents and siblings that love me and would do anything for me, I have friends and acquaintances that appreciate me, yet I have absolutely no interest in living.
    I don't find anything exciting, I don't want to go to university, I don't want to do anything at all. I know that maybe in the future things will get better and I will find love, and have a job that I love, and I'll be successful as I've always been (Even while depressed I was still effortlessly at the top of my class and managed to do and get everything I wanted without even trying too hard), but that idea doesn't comfort me, it makes me quite anxious, actually. I find the idea that it will all get better very abhorrent. The only thing that calms me down nowadays is the thought that I will continue living life just so I wouldn't make others sad, I will marry whoever, I will have kids and a boring job, and that my life will be boring and I'll eventually die. My future seems blank, and deep down, I kind of want it to be that, because the only thing I can look forward to is that at the end of it all I will just die.
  2. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    What about spicing up mundane things in your life? College is a new chapter..even going on an adventure and exploring the world other than your hometown?

    don't do things for others do things for you that makes you happy don't follow the herd, be an individual with your choices to be happy....the white picket fence dream isn't going to be ok for some of us but over time some of us settle down later in life satisfied about our adventures while some of us start it right out of the gate. Everyone has their own map. Carpe Diem
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi @I.vy You sound really intelligent and know how you feel without having to worry what others think of you, you seem quite confident. I hope now that you are 18 you reach out for help, are you on anti depressants for the depression? If not, I would highly recommend that you do seek help for it. I hope you realise you are worth help that you can get and that you reach out for it. Do you have many friends or are you isolated? Depression can make us feel like doing nothing but together we can help you through that if you keep talking to us. What do you want to do after school with your high grades? Best of luck ((hugs)) You are always free to PM me.
  4. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    That's our lovely friend depression in a nutshell. Burying emotions is definitely a poor decision though. Detachment only makes recovery that much harder

    Leaving school, family and the known routines can be anxiety provoking.

    You said you feel it has all been too easy. Does that cause worry about your ability to compete at a higher level?
    citygirl47 likes this.
  5. Hmm OP you kinda remind me of myself i feel like life isnt worth living sometime,but i still have to maintain a good future,i know its hard for me to give advice though im not in a good situation.
  6. I.vy

    I.vy New Member

    I have reached out for help and was taking anti depressants and doing psychotherapy. My psychiatrist told me I'd have to take the meds for 6 months, but that didn't really help, and now that I've moved away, I have to find a new psychiatrist. I do have quite a few friends, but most of the time I tend to not talk to them because I prefer being alone, human contact tires me out. After school I'm taking a break for a year where I'll possibly volunteer and continue to try and fix my mental state, and after that I'm planning to go to medschool or something biochem related
  7. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Meds can take 3-4 weeks to take affect. Good luck on finding a new doctor.
  8. silis

    silis Active Member

    its all so hopeless. i didnt want to be placed in this life. ive been placed into the wrong life. nothing ever gets better.i cant even muster up enough courage to end it all. i just fail at everything. i just wish something would happen to pt me out of this misery.